Monday, December 29, 2008

Huskergirl Miss September gives good squeeze!! (to me!)

It was Monday. No good bowl games today. I mean who wants to watch Rutgers play? I didn't even know that Rutgers had a football team. To be honest, I never heard of Rutgers - I don't actually keep up with all these colleges and stuff. I'm quite content to pay attention to the Huskers and I know in a few days they're going to kick the tail off of a Clemson football team. Nebraska plays on January 1st! That's a real bowl game day.

Anyways, I always like it when Natalie visits me. She's a regular around here and I suspect that she comes to just get her photo taken with me. I wouldn't be the first time someone tries to piggyback on my reputation as the celebrity Huskercat!

She moved to Alabama so I don't get to see her as much. It's a real mystery to me why someone would actually move to Alabama. If you were kidnapped then it would make sense. There are probably lots of kidnappers in Alabama.

I mean how weird is a state when their county sheriff pleads guilty to perjury and an ethics violation to stay out of prison when his crime was stealing over $9,000 for buying over $9,000 in Mardi Gras beads using the school vending machine money. I ask you how much shit for brains does a person have to have to even ponder such a high crime??? I'm sure his wife/sister didn't offer any good advice. I'm glad I live in California. Our weirdness is usually interesting and not obvious evidence of generations of inbreeding. At least we don't bury our dead in roadside graves!!

Plus, I doubt that Fancy Feast would stoop to lowering themselves to selling their Tuna Feast with Gravy in Alabama. I'm sure there's plenty of road kill innards to keep their cats all plumped up. I'm sure they can 'splain it all good by citing some Old Testament injunction about wasting food or something like that.

I suppose I'm just upset that Natalie had to leave again. She gives good squeeze! (as can be seen in the above photos) And she is Miss September in the new Huskergirls Calendar! How cool is that!! I get squeezed by Miss September! She's very classy looking. I hang out with the best - that's for sure!

She had red hair when she came over, but had black hair in her Huskergirl photo. Hell, one time she even had pink hair! Well, what can I say - this is California! I got to see if I can be in this calendar next year. In fact, I can't figure out why I wasn't asked!!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Christmas 2008! What Santa brought me!

HO HO HO is the word of the day it would seem! Santa Claus came to visit or so I'm told. He's not part of our cat mythology but from what I can gather he's some fat guy who doesn't know how to shave and is old enough to retire. And he's known for delivering the goods so he's my kind of guy!

The owners made me sit on this box for my "Christmas picture." Sounds like I get one picture a year taken or something. I get my picture taken all the time. That's why they have a special photographer for me. All celebrities have their own photographer! But they can take my picture if they want - as long as there's loot to be had! I've already noticed that my sock has three candy canes but the others only have one. This bodes well. For me!

Presents are being opened and I smell something special. I can't figure it out. Us cat's have a special smell organ in our mouth and so I can always figure things out better if I smell with my mouth. Bet you didn't know that cats had this. It's just one more reason in a long list of reasons why cats are superior to dogs. I mean dogs can smell better than cats, but that's not going to make up the difference for being retarded in the brain now is it? Dogs are stupid.

It turns out that the one owner (the big one) gave the cute owner a hair skrunchy made out of mink fur! It was in her Christmas stocking. Wow - they killed a mink just to make a hair scrunchy.  Well, that's ok by me. Minks are sneaky little things and all you PeTA fans who are thinking that it's not fair for a mink to get killed to make a hair scrunchy I'd like to remind you that this mink probably had it coming for one reason or another so there's no reason to be losing sleep over this. For god's sake don't be a wuse about something like this! Save your emotional torment for something worthwhile - like how there might be a Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy shortage! I have nightmares about that!!

My owners go crazy about cat stuff. They're complete suckers for any cat crap. Somebody has this all figured out because someone gave them some dish towels with cats on them (see surveillance photo above).  Whoever gave them these towels must live in a double wide somewhere because if they had any taste at all they would have gotten some towels with Maine Coons since we are so much more better looking than the mangy cat on the towel. 

So what did Santa bring me? That's what you really wanted to know! I got a bunch of cans of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast in Gravy (my all time fav!); and a can of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast (the kind without gravy), and a can of Fancy Feast Ocean Whitefish & Tuna Feast in Gravy. The feeders know I like the Fancy Feasts in gravy the most so I'm not sure what's up with the Tuna Feast without gravy, but I don't want to seem ungrateful, although I wish they'd pay a little closer attention to my needs than this. But I did pretty well for myself and it's time to be reflective about all the feral cats who go hungry although, I don't like to reflect on that for too long because Christmas is all about having stuff (like Fancy Feasts) and not about being down on your luck. 

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Warming my tail!

It gets pretty cold here in California in the winter. It was down to like 50 or so today! So they made me a nice fire to supplement the warmth that my lush fur coat can provide me. I don't have much to say. This is pretty much an excuse to show you another really cool picture of me.

Save big cats - not dogs

I know I got it pretty good when I see this animal shelter stuff. Since I got it so good here (not that I'd let the humans know that) I'd actually rather not be reminded of the sorry state of other animals. It harshes my mellow. But my friend, Carole Baskin, who runs that Big Cat Rescue place emailed me personally. I think she likes hangin' with celebrities which explains why she emailed me.

But I'm recommending that you vote for the Big Cat Rescue place in Florida. Not because Florida is a nice place, because it's not. But you gotta support the big cats. Plus, when you support them you know for sure you're not supporting dogs like at a humane society or something like that. The other thing is that the Big Cat place is in first place. Might as well go with a winner I always say!

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Cats - good; Dogs - suck. Darwin says so!

I'm not a scientist or anything. I don't have time to go to college and let's face it .. they wouldn't admit a cat anyway. I spend too much time sleeping and eating. Hmm .. so maybe I would be a good college student ... But all this doesn't mean I don't watch for the latest advances in evolutionary anthropology especially when they prove that cats are betters than dumbass dogs. Cats are better hunters (I think everyone knew this), but apparently we're much more stealthy than dogs, which obviously makes us smarter. Dogs are better at long distance chases, which obviously shows they're stupider. Why put in extra work if you don't need to? Evolution always favors those who can be strategically lazy - it's all common sense really.

Their data shows that cats have "a previously unrecognized mechanical relationship in which crouched postures are associated with changes in footfall pattern, which are in turn related to reduced mechanical energy recovery." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but another scientist said that "cats hold the edge in all-around hunting skill. Overall, they've fine-tuned their system." That validates what I've said for a long time - I'm a finely-tuned system. I'm glad science is finally getting around to studying this. They would have figured this out a long time ago if their scientists were as good as the ones that made Fancy Feast's Tuna Feast with Gravy. Oh well.

Friday, December 5, 2008

How to tell if your cat is killing you.

No, No, NO. the website, is only advisory. Some humans have posted on their blogs some grave concerns about how this goes to a page about How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It has signs like how if a cat is kneading on you it's not a sign of affection but that the cat is checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Humans have reacted to this and I just wanted to point out how these warning signs are only mere suggestions in the cat world. They are far from clear cut indicators of cat behavior. They are not some kind of imperative. The site was clearly put together by some paranoid, conspiracy-minded dog lovers. Humans have no need to worry about cats. Dogs are the stupid and most digusting creatures in the animal kingdom. Humans should worry about dogs!

It doesn't take much time googling to discover that some of the most evil people have loved dogs. Hitler had a dog. I don't think much more needs to be said! Oh, and he named the dog Blondi. It takes some serious sick psychopathology to name your dog Blondi. I hate to succumb to Godwin's Law here but the facts speak for themselves. That ain't no cat sitting next to Hitler with its tongue hanging out drooling like a moron. And besides, pets are supposed to make their humans happy and I don't see a smile on Hitler's face. Hitler wasn't a pleasant person and I wouldn't be surprised if it was his dog's fault. And I'm not blaming that dog for the holocaust. Although I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest here.

We've all heard about Cruella de Ville. She's one of the more infamous dog lovers. She had a fetish for dalmations and made them into lovely coats. Although this is a horrible way to go for an animal it's a little hard to imagine that the dogs hadn't done something to deserve it. But that's just my opinion.

And remember I said they were disgusting? Well if you plug cat lovers into google you find the most fun stories and things to buy for your own cat.

However!!! If you plug dog lovers into google ... well, I really can't find the words for the creepy, disgusting stuff that dogs do to their humans, but I suspect any human with more than a box or rocks for a brain can imagine what you might find at a web site called! I think we know where the phrase man's best friend came from! Listen - I'm not making this shit up! If you're not buying this then maybe you need to just grow up and face reality!!!

People don't need to worry about us cats! That's all I got to say about this matter.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween & Weird People

Well it's almost the end of Halloween. I never like Halloween because I rarely get the attention I deserve. Apparently black cats are the big deal on October 31. I get sick and tired of racial discrimination. I don't have anything against black cats. Hell, I have a black cat friend. It's just that you'd think we'd be past all that by now. It's not a practical problem though since I get to be the center of attention the other 364 days of the year. Not that I'm keeping track.

Anyway, that's not important. What happened was that the humans had a Halloween party. The people who came over were really weird. Everyone dressed up strangely. So I sought refuge in this new piece of furniture they moved in for the occassion. It was very cozy although it was way more room than I needed - I mean a human could have laid down in that thing. The guests seems a little creeped out with it which was fine by me. I prefer to be left alone when the house is full of weirdos. I'm glad this day is over.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Persephone (fellow cat, RIP) * snif *

My blog is where I talk about me. That's important because of all my fans and friends who are always wanting to know about my exciting life and just need their daily update on what the ol' Huskercat is up to. So I don't usually spend my blog time talking about other cats (they can get their own damn blog!). And by usually I mean never. And since I'm a cancer survivor I know about death and I know how important I am to my human owners. I know that because of all the $$ they spend on me at the clinic! HA!

Ok, but this blog entry isn't about me. I hate to be a sourpuss here but I think I need to say some things about a fellow puss who bit the dust a couple days ago. That cat would be Seph (or Persephone if you weren't a close friend). She's the in the photo below (the cute one - not the big guy who is sleeping - I assume he's sleeping. he might have just been hammered!)
Before I get started though, I'd like to point out that this photo appears to be surreptitiously taken. That guy is some kind of buddy of my owners which makes me and Seph buddies, in case anyone was wondering. That's how us cats roll. But that guy needs to get a firmer handle on his environment because nobody should allow people sneaking around taking pictures. That's just wrong. Although the guy seems lost in sleep, Seph clearly was annoyed with the intrusion into her personal space.
The above photo reflects how loved Seph was by this big guy. I don't know his name - my owner just refers to him as "Hey, Big Guy." He's no bigger than my owner though. I'm not surprised that my owner refers to him that way - hell, he calls me the cancer cat sometimes! Talk about insensitive! He's a jerk sometimes. And he wonders why I barf on his pillow!

Anyways, I seem to be having trouble getting started on this. Bottom line is Seph is now in kitty heaven. She died - might as well get that on the table, ok? She was in pain due to cancer and things weren't going to get any better for her. As hard as it was, her owner had to have her put to sleep. My cancer is in remission and I have lots of blogs detailing my fight against this anti-cat disease along with photos, but this entry isn't about me (I have the hardest time not talking about me!). Whatever, anyway, as I'm sure I don't need to let humans know (even dumb ass humans - LOL) us cats are all about quality of life. We always take the shortest path to a better quality of life. With brief distractions to murder a mouse or bird that is. That's why humans know they need to keep showering us with affection and high quality catnip and soft, warm places to sleep. Oh, and BTW, I don't need any comments about murdering mice and birds. First of all there is an excess of them and, secondly, it's not like they don't have it coming.

What was great about Seph and her owner was that it was a relationship of mutual love and affection. I don't want to get all gushy but Seph had a rough start in this world. She was abused and then abandoned (and some people don't think there should be a death penalty!). It's surprising she lived to her old age of 16! But love conquers all (as some romantically afflicted sappy human once said). And that's not even true, but what I mean to say is that when she got adopted by her owner her life really turned around. Seph liked the good life (hey, show me a cat that doesn't! :) ), but she was a tough puss. She got hit by a car about 7 years ago and her doctors told her she would have to have her busted leg amputated. Well that was a crock of shit (I'm not going to mince words here!) and she pulled through. And she did that as a 4-legged cat, I might add! Her doctors were probably just trying to cover their asses. I've seen that before! Although not with my doctors. They are all board certified specialists and are very expensive and they read this blog so the last thing I want is for them to think that I have any doubts about them.
Seph's owner, the guy in the unstylish white get up, took this picture just before he made that last trip to the vet. That must have been hard, but he did the right thing. Taking her to the vet at this point in her life. The writing was on the wall and as I said earlier, we cats are all about quality of life. I constantly remind my owners about this which is why I get savory Fancy Feast twice a day.

Seph must have been quite a character even for a cat. I'm sure we would have gotten along well, if you know what I mean. You know, before getting snipped. Since most of my readers aren't as worldly as I am, in Greek mythology, Persephone was all about the Earth's fertility as well as being associated with the Queen of the Underworld. In later myths, Persephone was the daughter of Demeter and Zeus. That kicks ass! Nowadays, Persephone is kind of known as an innocent maiden. From what I've heard of her owner (from my owner) the innocent maiden connotation probably had nothing to do with Seph! I'm just a year younger than Seph. As an older cat you get used to being called geezer cat or an old farty feline. So it's in this later phase of cat life that one really appreciates an owner who lavishes love and affection. It's good to know that Seph had all this. That's the point of humans - making their cats lives better and her owner understood this. Without getting too sappy, the world is a sadder place without her. Her owner is welcome to come to my place anytime and love me up if he wants.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Marie - my newest sexy new friend!

This is Marie who came over to visit for the day. She's from LA or Hollywood - some place like that. I don't think she's a movie star but I suppose she could be. As can be seen from this surveillance photo, she's got quite a thing for me! I guess her and my owner (the big one) go back quite aways. They took lots of pictures but I wasn't feeling very welcome when they would shoo me away. Cat's do not like being shooed away. It's getting pretty old how I have to go over this again and again. By going over it I'm referring to reminding them of my presence by brushing up against things and occasionally tipping their stuff over. I was snoozing in the next room on the sofa and heard Marie call for me several times. That was nice but I like to see a little more motivation from people when they want me to hang with them. She could have come looking for me. As Ellen Berkeley once said As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. I don't just come trotting out when some person calls for me. If that's what someone wants it's obvious they need to drag themselves down to a dog pound and get one of those dumb, slobbering dogs before the dog pound staff exterminate their sorry asses. Or she could have asked my big owner about the most likely places to find me.

She gives good squeeze though. I guess you could say she's someone who rubs me the right way! HA! That's pretty funny.

They were talking about some pretty wacky stuff so I didn't hang around much. A suggestion for the future would be that they invite me over when they take a break in the work. There's no reason why they can't be petting me when they're just sitting there and talking. It's a complete waste of human energy!

She drives a prius like my owners except that hers is red. My owners prius is blue. As the Huskercat it's easy to imagine why there's more red (you know - Go Big Red!) around here than most places. I don't get why we don't have a red battery car. This is a shockng lack of attention to detail around here.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Amo - the good life! Another one of my sexy friends!

It was good to see Amo again! She has given me the squeeze before and you didn't see me complaining! She was dressed up all snazzy and stuff and I thought maybe she was taking me out! But that's kind of silly - she wouldn't be taking a cat out! Not that there would be anything wrong with that. I like having a personal photographer around so they can capture all the love and affection that comes my way and you can sure see the loves coming from her! She clearly really really loves me. It's a good thing I deserve it so much!

Obviously I'm the huskercat. So I really appreciate it when folks around here dress like they care about the tradition of what I'm all about. Basically, I'm special and I am always pleased when others recognize that and dress for the occasion so to speak. Amo is always so bubbly and fun but she seems all moody in this pic which I don't understand. She seems like she's in the running for emo huskergirl! HA! That's pretty funny.

Now here's what's weird ... she drives a hearse. You know, like the car that hauls dead people to the graveyard. And it has a coffin in it. I strolled out there when her and one of my owners (the big one) had this picture taken and I got really creeped out! I like chewing on mice, but that was just goofy!

But even with that, I don't think she's really emo. That's just a genre of softcore punk music that integrated unenthusiastic melodramatic teenyboppers who don't smile, but like high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with their favorite band's signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5ths of the face at an angle. Or at least that's what I hear - I don't really know anything about them. As a cultural icon, I don't hang out at places where there would be a bunch of emo youth. I'm a little old for that! Plus, I'd probably just get trampled at one of those dumps. I have my reputation to consider and who likes whiney teenagers anyway. So she's not an emo. I think she has a pouty look like Brigitte Bardot. One could do worse than that!

I was just catnipped and I've been snoozing for 12 hours. I'm hungry and need to get someone to put down a plate of savory Fancy Feast. I shouldn't blog when I'm in this state! I wish she would have squeezed me when she was in her Husker t-shirt! That would have been cool.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Find me on's Cat Forum!

If you can't get enough of me on my blog or my web site, you should come visit the cat forum. I have an account there and I hope that everyone there will enjoy me! There seem to be a lot of people there who love us cats and who seem like they know quite abit.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Hunting Wild Game!! Implications for Backyard Eco-systems

I'm a little annoyed; I'll be honest. As can be seen in this first forensic photo I returned to the homestead having bagged a bird. I mean - it wasn't exactly big game, but it sure was fun sneaking up on it and pouncing on its little feathery body and watching its little soul rise to heaven as I crunched his puny little neck!
Naturally, I had to bring it home. Most cats like to fly under their owner's radar, but when it comes to snagging wild game, we are basically show-offs. I'm not being immodest, that's just how us cats roll. We're supposed to use our four big canine teeth for something! It's no big deal.

The problem is that, and I think we all see what the problem is going to be, the current female resident of this house seem rather unappreciative of my efforts. I present the second photo as Exhibit B where it should be obvious that she is restraining me from the trophy lunch I just caught.

I gotta say - this kind of treatment gets old. The backyard has what I would consider to be a total excess of birds. Backyards are important not only to the home owner, and to any guest of the house, and to many wildlife species as well. The backyard provides these species with major habitat requirements: food, cover, space, and water (there's a big swimming pool that serves as a major mouse drowning station). As the only cat in this place, it is my responsibility to manage these species in a way that is sensitive to wildlife needs. Especially MY needs! Clearly these two homeowners need to include my activities in their backyard species management plan. It's the way of the wild!

I admit that birds, such as the one that I murdered, can provide many aesthetic and recreational benefits to the homeowner. Watching me hunt for mice or a little featured creature or even a red-backed salamander hiding under a bush can add beauty and enjoyment to everyone's day. The humans around here need to recognize the ecological services provided by ME and how I benefit the entire backyard ecosystem. For example, worms keep the soil healthy. In a similar way, birds, such as sparrows, as any ecologist will tell you, deserve to be murdered by cats - it's part of the natural order of things. That's the way it is or God wouldn't have made us cats cold-blooded killing machines! When I kill a bird I am evolving into a better cat and I have two owners who need to appreciate that a litle more!

So after all this, I'm pretty bushed and I am going to take a nap in my sleeping berth, that I might add, was hand made from exotic South American and African hardwoods that are quite expensive. I'm going to dream of wild life maagement for sure!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

If I could vote for Prezident....

I'm sure getting sick and tired of that old guy and that young guy baggin' all over each other for no good reason. An then that old guy (the one with the white hair and wrinkles) thought he was clever and put Paris Hilton and Britney in an ad with Mr Bama. Which was real dumb. I know about all this because my litterchangers have CNN on all the time around here which is part of the reason I'm bored so much.

I hadn't heard of this Paris Hilton (I mean what are the chances of someone being named for a city and a hotel chain??), but she seems pretty smart. So now she is running for prezident and I have to say she makes at least as much sense as the two men.
See more funny videos at Funny or Die

If the laws get changed in time for cats to vote,
I am voting for her.

She's smart and she's plenty hot!

Friday, July 11, 2008

My friend Natalie

This is Natalie. I'm the Huskercat.  So it's probably pretty obvious how thrilled I was to have her come visit me and she's dressed in this lovely husker sweater and red head band. I'm not big on fashion (other than I like fur coats), but I'm easily won over by her. 

She really pulled me in and hugged and squeezed me silly (see photo). All that and she smells good too. Us cats use our whiskers and our sniffer to evaluate what's going on around us. And she was a lot going on around me. This one is special and she is invited over anytime she wants!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Sexy New Friend - Eleisha

Holy cow - there's been lots of people around here! I never met Eleisha before but she certainly qualifies to be a sexy new friend! She has good friend potential because she really likes me. She's always so busy. She should take it a little easier and keep me company. She has red hair too. That caught me a little off guard! But nothing wrong with a little diversity around here.

Her dress is made out of leather. It made me want to go out and chase something! I don't know why leather always has that effect on me.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Sexy new friend! Natalie

There's been a lot of traffic around here lately. Natalie came over for the day. She's a new friend and not to be confused with the several other Natalie's that come over. It doesn't seem very smart for these humans to have the same name. It's probably why they often seem confused.

She wasn't here long enough to learn how to feed me. I learned one thing about her though ... she really likes mashed potatos! Fancy Feast doesn't make cans of mashed potatos so I have no idea if she knows what she's talking about or not.

But I don't care - she really likes me and is prepared to scratch me head whenever I rub up against her.

Sexy New Friend - Tarra

Tarra's one of my favorites. She's not really a new friend. She's been here before. One things for sure - she knows how to treat a cat. She's a very experienced girl. I mean she's experienced with me. That's all I meant by that. She's so warm and smells nice - she's the complete package!

She usually stays a couple days when she visits cuz she comes in from Vegas. That's always good for me. She knows where the Fancy Feast Tuna Feast with Gravy is in the morning so we always get along.

Life is good.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

My two really cool new friends!

Today was pretty fun with a bunch of people coming over. Most of them seemed to want to lavish attention on me - which I'm used to. These two cuties wanted to show me some love (Billy on the left and Diana). You know what was kinda funny about them is that I'm actually older than either of them. I'm talking human years. I'm told I'm 15 human years old. I don't keep track of these things because as long as I have my savory Grilled Fancy Feast Seafood dinner in the morning, I pretty much don't pay attention to the details. I do notice some details and what I noticed about these two was that they were very cool - as can be seen in this surveillance photo. This suited me just fine as I prefer to get held by really cool people and there's clearly not enough of those kind hanging around here.

I gotta go as I have several more blog things to write up. My owners never followed through with getting me a personal assistant. Maybe Diana or Billy would want that job ...

Sunday, June 1, 2008

My new Katt friend!

Just so there's no confusion - her name is Katt. You know how they say What's in a name? Actually, I'm not even sure what that means. My point is that she's not really a cat. She's more like a human since she's not furry like me and doesn't have a tail. She's the only human I know whose name is also my species.

She seems to be a friend of my one owner (not the big one) as they get together and watch movies quite a bit and the big guy seems to want to avoid them. She is interested in my getting fed. And she lets me in. She seems to be quite attracted to me. She either likes being a mom or she has some kind of unnatural affection for me. I'm used to humans adoring me. Maybe she could be president of my fan club! I appreciate her letting me back in the house when I get bored with what's outdoors. That way I can look forward to being bored with what's indoors. HA!!

My Cancer Check-up with Dr Schoen

Theme of the Day: Bloodtests!

Well, yippie. Here we are again! Dr Schoen's medical clinic. Just sitting around waiting for medical attention. Now that's the thing - I don't need any medical attention. I've done my best to not barf on the bed and to keep the upchucking of fur balls outdoors. It's like I'm being punished or something!

Dr Schoen apparently has some kind of affirmative action program at the clinic where she is forced against her will by federal law to treat some quota of dogs. Otherwise, I'm sure she wouldn't have dogs here. It's just too nice of a place.

I'm feeling fine and don't mind sitting here with my pretty owner even though the ride over in the PPU (personal prison unit) always gets me grumpy! They treat me like a criminal sometimes.

I glare at my other owner and he gets up so I snatch the opportunity for a more comfortable chair that I deserve that will remove me from a tile floor that the people here allow DOGS to run on.

I think dogs have peed in here. It doesn't smell, but it just has that weird creepy feeling that you get when dogs have been around indiscriminately urinating on things. I don't know why dog owners even bring them in to a vet. This world would be a better place with fewer dogs. Less barking, less poop surprises in the front yard. I was sitting on the fence in the front the other day and this big fat guy walks by with a dog on a leash (it's disgusting that dogs allow this leashing business). So anyways, this dog just squats in my front yard and takes a dump!

I can't tell you how ill this made me feel. If that dog had been there alone I would have chased him down and scratched his face off but in this case I was afraid the big fat guy, Mr Giganto, would topple over on me. They would have never found me!

I've strayed a little off topic - everyone but the most stupid humans know that dogs are the retards of the animal kingdom.

The other owner took this picture. To the extent that you can call it a picture - the composition is horrible! It's not like I expect Ansel Adams to return from the grave, but I just wish he would try a little harder. He always talkes about his fancy camera. I bet that thing is smarter than he is! Which would explain alot, I guess.

It turns out I'm here for a check up. Jennifer, who is a vet tech here and she's the one who looks after me at home when my owners desert me, spills the beans that I need some blood work done so my oncology vet (Dr Prouix <--- board certified) can send in a prescription for my cancer pills. This requires several vets and a medical laboratory to coordinate my treatment since these are human cancer drugs. My cancer is in remission but that doesn't make me any more thrilled to be called the cancer cat by my owners. But it's nice to know that everyone around here understands that I'm an important celebrity and requires a complete medical team for my well-being. That just comes with being so important.

So I'm here for a check up. I'm feeling fine (except for the ride in the PPU (personal prison unit) which always gets me in a bad mood! Dr Schoen comes in and starts doing her medical stuff - poking me in places that are not always pleasent. She must realize that I'm feeling fine since she seems so happy.

The good mood disappears in a hurry though when she grabs a torture instrument (see forensic photo below) and reaches around to my back side! At that point I demand that no more photos be taken. In the internet era, photos have a way of ending up on the internets. That's like celebrity cat 101. At any rate, just remembering this is putting me out of the mood to blog.

I do feel important though. This vet visit isn't cheap and that blood workup - well let's just say I'm glad that didn't come out of my Fancy Feast fund. And the pills - get this - 120 bucks for two months supply.

I'm feeling luved!

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Vet again!

My owner (the cute one) took me to the vet yesterday! I wasn't sick or anything! It turns out it was a routine physical. Humans need to know that there isn't any "routine" about me! It wasn't to bad since it was Dr Schoen who has been my primary vet from like the beginning. Her and I go back a long way. I've gained some more weight which they say is a good thing. I'm ok, she said. I could of told them that! I can't believe my owners pay big money to people to tell them I'm ok. Their lack of confidence in my ok-ness is beginning to annoy me. It might eat away at the cat confidence of many felines, but since I know that I'm wonderful and plenty more than just "ok" it's not an issue for me. I feel just fine! Except for being shoved into a cat carrier and having a thermometer stuck up my back end. I mean, other than that, I feel fine!

There were some photos taken of the event, but I don't know where they are right now. My owners could be a little more on the ball about my publicity needs! My fans have a need to know. Now that I look my blog over, I'm noticing all kinds of events that aren't on here yet. I got one or two Sexy New Friend entries that aren't here. I got my picture taken with another visitor or something.

I need to complain louder. Maybe after my nap.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Ashley - My sexy new friend!

Ashley came over today. She's been over before and I really like her visits. She always seems to think I need some attention. While I don't need it - attention from her is always might fine. Ashley rocks! 

Us Maine Coons are not like ordinary, run of the mill, low rent cats. Maine Coons, because of their fine breeding, enjoy being petted while we're eating. I don't think any other cat rolls that way.

Here's she's pointing at me. I wasn't paying her much attention because I was eating my Friskies hard food. Someone must have come in wondering where that famous Huskercat was and she's just being helpful and pointing me out. I don't mind my fans visiting as long as they don't bother me too much. My days tend to be pretty busy being a predator and having to sleep a lot.

This is a really adorable picture of her. But that's besides the point. I'm not in that photo. There really isn't a need for any photos on my blog that do not have me in them. This is just common sense. You wouldn't expect to see any photos of me on Lassie's web site! Although Lassie's site would experience a major upgrade in quality if I was on there. I wouldn't be on Lassie's site anyway.  She's totally whored out to the Natural Way Natural Dog Food company. Dogs are stupid - you don't need two Naturals in your company name. And what's up with Natural Way? It sounds gay! Kinda Natural Way Gay! 

Natural Way Dog Food - sounds like it's for constipated dogs! Yeah! That's it! Dogs are full of shit!!! This just proves something I've said for a long time - you get a dog involved and everything will go retarded. There - I said it, now I"m outta here!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Engineers Guide to Cats

Two engineers have conspired to put together some kind of how to handle your cat video. While much of the information in the video is true and factual (obviously we need to sleep a lot), the forced yodeling is beyond the pale. These cats did not want to yodel. That's because cats do not yodel. Dogs yodel and that's because they're stupid. Only stupid animals yodel on their own free will.

So this is the video I am talking about. I have to give it a thumbs down (as we critics say) because of this humiliating forced yodeling. I assume these two engineers make lots of money. Because they'll need it after I drag them into court and they have to pony up punitive damages!

I'm disgusted!!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Blog change! LISTEN UP!

All my fans (and enemies) and, of course, the editors of Cat Fancy, should know that I'm changing my blog to this fancy-smancy blogger page instead of the low rent piece of software crap my owner signed up for before. My old blog, can still be viewed until all is transferred to this most excellent site.

With my new blog being on, it will become indexed more thoroughly which will make me even more famous. Although this is hard to believe that I could be more famous, I'm not so old school that my cat web page can't take advantage of the latest technology for searching the internets. Naturally you should read all of it in order to stay abreast of my exciting activities and superior lifestyle.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My oncology checkup! 9 month progress report

Well, here we are again! Just sitting around waiting for medical attention. I'm feeling fine and don't mind sitting here with my pretty owner. The other one took this picture. To the extent that you can call it a picture - the composition is horrible! I'm here for a check up. I'm feeling fine (except for the ride in the PPU (personal prison unit) which always gets me in a bad mood!
We don't have to wait long and Maggie, the Vet Tech, comes in. After a few pleasantries and questions she checks my weight. I'm always a little self-conscious when my weight is checked. I don't know what that's all about because when I checked this morning, I was looking mighty fine. So it turns out in the last 5 months I've gone from 11 lb 2 oz to 11 lb 10 oz. That's good news for me to gain 8 ounces! That's good because that virtually guarantees that I'll continue to get morning and evening Fancy Feast Grilled Seafood dinner with gravy! All the Fancy Feast's with gravy are super!

One thing that this hospital needs to do is get with the times. All my European cat friends always talk in metric and this place never does. That half a pound that I've added on to my handsomeness is 226 grams. You know what's really funny about that? That's about what a rat weighs! That's funny and disgusting at the same time!

Maggie takes me to the "back room" and I sit around for awhile. There don't seem to be any clear escape routes. Oh - and the "back room" is no "back room" - it's a major veterinary medical facility with so many gizmos it makes your head spin.
Well, it doesn't take long for them to get in gear. Time is money! (I've never heard them say that, but I bet they do! They got to with all the fancy art work on the walls around here. Everything is paintings of cats or dogs. Obviously no paintings of cats with dogs because that would be perverted! Now that I think about it, it's probably the cat paintings that are pricey; the dog paintings look rather cheap. To be honest, I wouldn't even call them art. I don't want to get into a discussion of Aesthetics but these dog paintings could only be considered art from a Relativistic point of view. You know, like dog paintings are good compared to mouse poo! ha ha ha! I'm sure for a couple of packages of Twinkies one could hire someone with a PhD in post-modernism to try and make sense out of dog paintings, but I don't have time for that kind of crap. Now let's get back to me!

Here I'm getting the needle because they have to take some of my blood so they can do a complete blood count (a CDC). They'll be able to tell me how I'm doing. That's good because I wouldn't want an incomplete blood count! People would start wondering what trailer park I was from! I wonder if this test could tell if dogs are vampires? I bet quite a few of them are. It seems just like the sort of disgusting thing a dog would like to do. Lots of dogs are blood fetishists so it only stands to reason that lots of them are vampires. That's just common sense!
Well finally I get real medical attention. By "real" I mean from a real doctor. And not a regular vet type. My doctor, Dr Prouix is certified and stuff. His name sounds French but I don't think he is because he's really nice. He's a certified Diplomate in Oncology and in Radiation Oncology. I don't know what the hell that means but if you have two Diplomate things that has to be good! Plus, his titles sound really scientific. I like that - I don't want some witch doctor throwing some chicken bones to tell me how I'm doing!
Although I'm getting checked over plenty good, I'm starting to get a little tired of it. I get poked, blood drawn, my heart listened to by one of those stetho-thingies.

I THOUGHT things were going pretty good until THIS little procedure took place! Since the first time I went to a vet I've thought vet techs are sneaky. They always act really nice and then the next thing you know you either have a needle poked in you or something poked up your behind!
Well, I'm all done and hanging out with the two owners to see how I scored on the tests. Or whatever they do with them.
It's all good news too! My blood scores are all normal and Dr. P says that my cancer is for all practical purposes in remission. I'm a little uneasy about this "for all practical purposes" lingo, but I'll let it slide. I'm feeling fine and I'm certainly looking fine, and I have a great appetite so life seems good to me! You might even say I have an appetite for life! It's been five months since I was here last and I've gained a rat's worth of weight and they say I'm good. Of course, I know I'm good. Hell, I'm good when I'm bad! HA!

I'm going out and hunt lizards now! Sweeet!