NEWS FLASH - Kira comes to live here!!

Hey, Kira came all the way down from Oregon to see me. In fact, she decided to move in!! That's what I thought at first. She had a big suitcase and some other stuff. She kept her suitcase closed so I couldn't get into it, but let's not start this post off in a negative light. I'm not that kind of cat!

It's a big deal to come here since Oregon is so far away. Fun fact: Kira has the only cat in Oregon. That's weird if you think about it. I heard her talking about her cat and that's the only cat in Oregon I've ever heard of. I'm not sure why cats are so unwelcome in Oregon. Maybe it's because it rains lots in Oregon and lets face it, cats don't like to get rained on.
Speaking of disappointments, it turns out that she didn't move in. She was just staying a couple days. I thought this would be a bonanza for me seeing as how she seems much more attentive than the current inhabitants of this hovel.

When she got here she was dressed all normal. But (and I'm not sure exactly how this happened) a little later in the day she turned into some kind of Christmas Princess.

I'm not completely sure about this Christmas Princess thing cause I'm making several inferences in arriving at this conclusion. Not that this is a crime or anything. I would offer as evidence these first two photos that caught her in the act of showing me some love. Which isn't a crime either. Notice her stylish and very fashionable pink dress. It's has ermine trim. Ermines are little white weasels that rich people kill and use for trim on their fancy clothes. It's very expensive fur which is kind of funny when you think it's just a white weasel! But Kira doesn't just have ermine trim. Apparently she authorized the mass murder of a bunch of ermines for her hat. I don't mean to make it sound like there's anything wrong with mass murdering. They're just weasels. I doubt that even deranged PeTA people would give a damn about killing off weasels. Weasels are like one step above rats in the evolutionary tree and all they have to offer society is their little fur coats.
But I'm getting off the topic. If you notice in this third photo of an actual Russian Princess, it shows that Kira's hat is much like the Princess's. Royalty would have hats like this - it said so in google. They would also have dogs (as shown here) probably because royalty inbreed amongst themselves and end up over the generations a little retarded in the brain. With Kira you get beauty + brains!

Kira was expecting to be nice and warm here in southern California. Sadly, it was cloudy, cold and windy instead. She froze her behind off! You can see this in this parking tower surveillance photo that I was able to obtain. People kept telling her that she must have brought the bad weather from Oregon. That's just dumb. People can't "bring the weather" with them!

Obviously I don't hang out in parking towers so I wasn't able to help but if you notice Kira warmed right up when she got back and spent some time with me. Sadly she was leaving and this was the last squeeze for me if you know what I mean. That's too bad because I'd rather have her than a bowl of heavy cream! But she is going to visit again in a couple months. Bottom line is that I'm a bit of a chick magnet around here!

How to tell if your cat is killing you.

No, No, NO. the website, catswhothrowupgrass.com is only advisory. Some humans have posted on their blogs some grave concerns about how this goes to a page about How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It has signs like how if a cat is kneading on you it's not a sign of affection but that the cat is checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Humans have reacted to this and I just wanted to point out how these warning signs are only mere suggestions in the cat world. They are far from clear cut indicators of cat behavior. They are not some kind of imperative. The site was clearly put together by some paranoid, conspiracy-minded dog lovers. Humans have no need to worry about cats. Dogs are the stupid and most digusting creatures in the animal kingdom. Humans should worry about dogs!

It doesn't take much time googling to discover that some of the most evil people have loved dogs. Hitler had a dog. I don't think much more needs to be said! Oh, and he named the dog Blondi. It takes some serious sick psychopathology to name your dog Blondi. I hate to succumb to Godwin's Law here but the facts speak for themselves. That ain't no cat sitting next to Hitler with its tongue hanging out drooling like a moron. And besides, pets are supposed to make their humans happy and I don't see a smile on Hitler's face. Hitler wasn't a pleasant person and I wouldn't be surprised if it was his dog's fault. And I'm not blaming that dog for the holocaust. Although I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest here.

We've all heard about Cruella de Ville. She's one of the more infamous dog lovers. She had a fetish for dalmations and made them into lovely coats. Although this is a horrible way to go for an animal it's a little hard to imagine that the dogs hadn't done something to deserve it. But that's just my opinion.

And remember I said they were disgusting? Well if you plug cat lovers into google you find the most fun stories and things to buy for your own cat.

However!!! If you plug dog lovers into google ... well, I really can't find the words for the creepy, disgusting stuff that dogs do to their humans, but I suspect any human with more than a box or rocks for a brain can imagine what you might find at a web site called doglovers.com! I think we know where the phrase man's best friend came from! Listen - I'm not making this shit up! If you're not buying this then maybe you need to just grow up and face reality!!!

People don't need to worry about us cats! That's all I got to say about this matter.