Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas 2009! What Santa brought me!

Merry Christmas Huskercat Fans!

Hi everybody! It's Christmas and so here is the official Huskercat Christmas Tree. It's pretty snazy and decked out. About half the ornaments are official Husker ornaments (trademarked and everything). There's no snow because I'm in California where it doesn't snow. Christmas trees are for putting presents under.
So enough about trees! Do you want to know what Santa brought me? Feast your eyes on the Snow Princess! (see photo below) Ok, I'm just kidding. Santa didn't bring me Kira the Snow Princess - for starters that would be illegal! Kira visited a couple weeks ago for a couple days but then she disappeared. She's going to come by in a couple of months to see me again, but I am officially declaring her Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website (2009).

Kira is Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website

She's pretty famous as can be seen by her very fancy Christmas dress. She looks so special she could be the Virgin Mary helping baby Jesus celebrate Christmas! For those who aren't as steeped in religious history as I am, Mary was the Mother of Jesus. She is always referred to as the Virgin Mary. Kira looks pure as the driven snow so she's probably a virgin too, but I'm getting off on a tangent as they say and it's not polite to think about these things. And certainly not polite to write about it in a public blog! Ok, ok, I got to focus here. So when one talks about the Virgin Mary - her and sex get kinda brought up anyway since as Jesus' mother she never had sex which is why she's referred to as a Virgin. So, moving on, that's what today is - Christmas - where we celebrate how a virgin gave birth to a baby. This is what I've been told anyway and I heard it on TV this week too (it was on the Discovery channel so I'm sure it's right). The more I think about this, the less it makes sense though. As I understand sex (and let me tell you, I do understand sex. They didn't invent the word caterwauling for nothing!) you can't be a virgin and have a baby. Ok, listen, I keep my blog family friendly so I think I need to stop all this sex talk. It's Jesus' birthday and that's all that counts since we know Christmas is all about getting presents and Jesus wants us to have all we can get! It's true - it's called prosperity religion so don't go and write me nasty letters about it. God wants me to get while the gettin' is good! So that's my Christmas message to my readers...

Go For The Gusto!!

I got things pretty good at this place. I get Grilled Fancy Feast twice a day and they let me go outside when I want. I get catnipped pretty often. I'm an aging cat so it's medical cat nip, of course (all quite legal in California!). So I don't like to complain about stuff, but I don't think Jesus would have approved of my Christmas present being a sock full of malted milk balls! (see forensic photo and some of the malted milk balls in the photo)

What kind of moron would give malted milk balls to a cat! Seriously, has anyone at all ever heard of getting malted milk balls for a cat??? At Christmas, no less!! I'm pretty sure I know who the moron is since my one owner (the pretty one) doesn't like them in the first place. Even Jesus would have thought I got screwed this Christmas! The owners must have sensed something was wrong because they got a bowl of Frisky's (hard food) and set it in front of me for my dining pleasure.

So to be honest, this wasn't that great of a Christmas for me. I didn't get enough presents like I deserved and I hope that other cats don't have to endure these kinds of hardships.

It's still a day of celebration though and we shouldn't forget that. It's a special day with my appointment of the new Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website (2009)!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tarra - one of my all time favorite sexxyist friends!

Yeah!! Tarra and Dave came to visit me before Christmas. She looks great in red which makes her pretty Huskery. A good match for Christmas too. While being so Huskery sort of takes the Christ out of Christmas it doesn't make much difference to me. As a Cat I still have 5 of my 9 lives left and I live in unrainy southern California so it's not like I have to worry about a lightening bolt from God! HA! Not that I'm here to offend God or anything. If any cat is going to heaven it will be me! That's for sure. And if I end up in Heaven, I'll sure miss my owners!!

This heaven thing though makes me wonder sometimes. Logically it seems like cats would end up in heaven because it's rather obvious all dogs will be going to hell. Surely an all-wise supernatural deity would have commonsense enough not to put cats and dogs together in the afterlife!! Plus, it's rather obvious God screwed up with making dogs in the first place. That was lame.

The problem is that theologians seem to agree that cats won't go to heaven. They point out that man was created superior to animals and that animals can’t be equal with him or some such bullshit. Maybe these theologians with their fancy PhDs need to read the Holy Book a little closer.

Here's where they get this idea: Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground" (Gen 1:26). Obviously cats are not fish, birds or livestock! We're also not "creatures" since that refers to monsters, Big Foot, dead dinosaurs, dragons and aliens from outer space. Plus, cats certainly have the ol' "breath of life" so I think God is looking out for us. Otherwise, why would we have 9 lives! This just makes sense.

I kinda got off the track here. Probably because of all this Christ in Christmas business. My owners don't seem to spend any time worshipping or going to Church so I'm assuming they're not big into that kind of stuff. For me ... I believe in God. Usually anyway. It makes sense if I don't think about it too much. And why chance it??? If I believe in God and end up in Heaven, yeah for me! If you don't believe in God and there is a Heaven, I think it's safe to say you're screwed!! Anyway - that's the Christmas message as I understand it.

Anyways, Merry Christmas everybody!!