Dogs Can't be Artists!

This is a serious WTF moment as the city of Riverside showed "dog art" at one of the parks. All these artsy-fartsy "dogs" look like they got a stick up their butt!  Humans do so many things that are just intended to humiliate the dog species. Not that I care. I mean, they're just dogs.

Click to see Dog Art!



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Painting
for bogus background

stupid dog butt dials the cops!

Headline: Dumb dog does heavy breathing number with police.

Headline: Dim-witted dog causes trouble by scratching owners phone instead of her butt.

When a dog is this stupid, I thought I'd suggest a couple more precise headlines. I don't mean to criticize the Associated Press, but in their effort to be politically correct, they aren't laying blame where it is due. People need to understand how stupid dogs can be. Millions of people are catching onto this. In the olden days, there were more dogs in the USA. But now, there are more cats. There are ~74 million cats in the USA which is about 4 million more than dogs. 

It's not racist to call dogs stupid or dumb. It's not even racist to call dogs retarded, although it's a little insulting to retarded people.  Funny thing ... dogs are eaten for lunch and dinner in at least 11 countries! Click here for more info on dogs as meals.   

This dog looks like a dirty mop!!

When dogs aren't busy butt dialing, they are always sniffing butts (see above photo). 

It's Vegas, Baby!!

Things have been a snoozefest around here lately.  So when I saw on Facebook that my Vegas buddies were in Anaheim, for some reason, and my brain went WTF?? Why aren't they here visiting me?? It turns out they did attempt to get me but my media guy wasn't on the ball (that's right, I have my own phone number!). But they came the next day to hang with me so all is good.

It was Dave and Tarra's #1st anniversary. They came to my part of the country for a spontaneous anniversary trip. That's good because a year ago my owners went to Vegas for their wedding. They left me with my #1 pet sitter, Jennifer, who is a credentialed veternary technician.  I don't really need that level of care since I'm plenty healthy. I just need love, food and a water refill and I'm good. But enough about me!

I bring joy to people's lives as can be seen in the above photo where I am bringing joy to Tarra's life. She gets joy from squeezing me. I'm not sure of the exact squeezological mechanism, but it happens with others too, so it's a real phenomenon. It's known as the squeeze theorem. For those of you who failed calculus, it's a thing that Archimedes himself invented to confirm the limit of a function via comparison with two other functions (that would be Tarra and me!) whose limits are easily computed. That's just a long-winded way of saying she loves me! 

Black and white photo of Archimedes. It's not color because they couldn't make color photos back then.

Fun fact: Tarra took my picture that you see at the top of my blog.

Here I am looking kind of weird. Maybe I got squeezed a little too hard! :)

Pictured here is Dave. I'll be honest. We're having a bromance. That means Dave and I are in a homosocial relationship. I hope nobody is getting the wrong idea here - "bromance" is merely a portmanteau of two words and does not refer to some other kind of homo-type of relationship.  Not that there would be anything wrong with having that other kind of relationship. I want to be clear about that since I have a large following in the LGBTF community.  People and cats who are less sophisticated than myself might not be completely familiar with the acronym. That "F" stands for fixed.  That happens a lot to cats and it's not natural and is typically done without an informed consent. Unless it's a dog we're talking about. They all deserve to be fixed.  It would result in a better world, although they would still hump your leg.

Well, no way do I end my post talking about leg humping! Even on their anniversary, Dave and Tarra had to stop by to see me! I'm sure they had a good time! We don't see enough of them around here. 

I wuz hyponotized!! NOT!

Let's be honest. There's all kinds of weird things that happen around here.  Even a superficial perusal of my writings will demonstrate that I have either been subject to or have participated in a peculiar buffet of experiences. But I have never been subjected to what is called animal magnetism!!

I wouldn't think that cats (aka genetically-coded predatory killing machines) would be able to be magnetized animalistically, it would be way too anomalistic. Cat have too much intellect that can only be measured by psychometrists trained with a feline speciality when they go to school. 

Dogs are another story as they are stupid. There's even a book on how to hypnotize dogs (see below). I'll save you some $$$ and tell you how to do it .... just dangle a shiny object in front of them.

Just warning you ... you are about to encounter dumb dog pics. They're pretty funny!! :D

As proof, I submit Exhibits A, B, C, and D to demonstrate the goofy things you can get dogs to do when you hypnotize them. 

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

Exhibit D

So what about cats?  You can't find a collection of dumb cat photos and stories on the internets like you can with dogs. There's like 20 orders of magnitude difference!! And that's a lot! Just ask any of your mathematician friends. 

Since the photo below appeared in the blogosphere, some have claimed that I was being hypnotized.

 Animal Magnetism!!!

Those making the allegations point to the hypnodisc, whirly thing behind the hypnotist, but she's not a hypnotist, she's one of my sexy friends (Kira to be specific, and I don't mind being specific)! And that whirly thing wasn't there. I don't remember it. Someone has plopped that in probably using one of those programs like photoshop. Some people on the internetwork say that she is using her hands to pulse me with her magnetic, hypnotic pulses. Let's face it, anyone can get an internet account and say stuff. And add that to the statistical fact that half the people out there are stupid, I'm surprised this hasn't happened before! But in fact Kira and I are merely frolicking at the moment. It's a photo record of two frisky animals diverting themselves from the more serious concerns that face our country. It's a friendly romp during one of the six or so hours a day that I'm awake. 

All I know about whoever started this rumor that I was being hypnotized is just jealous. That person (or a dog???) probably went ballistic when they saw me and Kira relaxing together and enjoying ourselves.  Deep down they know that someone like Kira isn't going to hang with a stupid person! She's college educated and smart and gets bored easily around the dull-witted (she's like me that way!). 

So to all the jealous types out there - Suck on THAT!!

And to all the dogs who got a brief jolly out of the tall tale - go apologize to your owner for being the sad excuse for a dog that you are!!

I'm backing this book for autism research!

f - eleven volume 2 by Wolf189 | BOOK INFO

Yo, check this out ... Volume 2 of the photography of some of the f-eleven members (who are a bunch of photographers and models) has just been published. The proceeds go to autism research so that's good. Here's a fancy slide show that shows off the book. But I got something else about this that I need to blog about! I don't usually promote books or stuff unless I'm in them so you know this is a good one!

But another book said that all of us cats have Asperger's syndrome. Now that just sounds like name calling! BTW, the correct spelling is "Asperger," not "assburger." Hey, it's not some tasteless joke, I'm just mentioning it since I made that mistake so I assume that lots of my readers might too. This Asperger's thing is like autism - sort of, it's complicated.

So anyways, back to the topic - the book about cats having Asperger's syndrome.

This book says that all cats have it. I didn't know what it was so I wikied it and people with that have social and communication problems. I wouldn't say that I have a communication problem! Hell, I got a blog! Where do humans come up with this crap!! Cats just don't communicate much with humans (like skeezy dogs do) out of a natural sense of superiority that we have. Humans are supposed to just figure out what we want.

I know cats are superior because humans have got us to make life better for people who have autism. You can't beat that! The story talks about how cat therapy was a miracle. That's right - have a cat - get a miracle! That's more than dogs could do! In fact, if it was a miracle that this cat did, then that makes cats like Jesus! Maybe I should start a church!!

Ok, I'm outta here!

Merry Christmas 2008! What Santa brought me!

HO HO HO is the word of the day it would seem! Santa Claus came to visit or so I'm told. He's not part of our cat mythology but from what I can gather he's some fat guy who doesn't know how to shave and is old enough to retire. And he's known for delivering the goods so he's my kind of guy!

The owners made me sit on this box for my "Christmas picture." Sounds like I get one picture a year taken or something. I get my picture taken all the time. That's why they have a special photographer for me. All celebrities have their own photographer! But they can take my picture if they want - as long as there's loot to be had! I've already noticed that my sock has three candy canes but the others only have one. This bodes well. For me!

Presents are being opened and I smell something special. I can't figure it out. Us cat's have a special smell organ in our mouth and so I can always figure things out better if I smell with my mouth. Bet you didn't know that cats had this. It's just one more reason in a long list of reasons why cats are superior to dogs. I mean dogs can smell better than cats, but that's not going to make up the difference for being retarded in the brain now is it? Dogs are stupid.

It turns out that the one owner (the big one) gave the cute owner a hair skrunchy made out of mink fur! It was in her Christmas stocking. Wow - they killed a mink just to make a hair scrunchy.  Well, that's ok by me. Minks are sneaky little things and all you PeTA fans who are thinking that it's not fair for a mink to get killed to make a hair scrunchy I'd like to remind you that this mink probably had it coming for one reason or another so there's no reason to be losing sleep over this. For god's sake don't be a wuse about something like this! Save your emotional torment for something worthwhile - like how there might be a Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy shortage! I have nightmares about that!!

My owners go crazy about cat stuff. They're complete suckers for any cat crap. Somebody has this all figured out because someone gave them some dish towels with cats on them (see surveillance photo above).  Whoever gave them these towels must live in a double wide somewhere because if they had any taste at all they would have gotten some towels with Maine Coons since we are so much more better looking than the mangy cat on the towel. 

So what did Santa bring me? That's what you really wanted to know! I got a bunch of cans of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast in Gravy (my all time fav!); and a can of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast (the kind without gravy), and a can of Fancy Feast Ocean Whitefish & Tuna Feast in Gravy. The feeders know I like the Fancy Feasts in gravy the most so I'm not sure what's up with the Tuna Feast without gravy, but I don't want to seem ungrateful, although I wish they'd pay a little closer attention to my needs than this. But I did pretty well for myself and it's time to be reflective about all the feral cats who go hungry although, I don't like to reflect on that for too long because Christmas is all about having stuff (like Fancy Feasts) and not about being down on your luck. 

How to tell if your cat is killing you.

No, No, NO. the website, catswhothrowupgrass.com is only advisory. Some humans have posted on their blogs some grave concerns about how this goes to a page about How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It has signs like how if a cat is kneading on you it's not a sign of affection but that the cat is checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Humans have reacted to this and I just wanted to point out how these warning signs are only mere suggestions in the cat world. They are far from clear cut indicators of cat behavior. They are not some kind of imperative. The site was clearly put together by some paranoid, conspiracy-minded dog lovers. Humans have no need to worry about cats. Dogs are the stupid and most digusting creatures in the animal kingdom. Humans should worry about dogs!

It doesn't take much time googling to discover that some of the most evil people have loved dogs. Hitler had a dog. I don't think much more needs to be said! Oh, and he named the dog Blondi. It takes some serious sick psychopathology to name your dog Blondi. I hate to succumb to Godwin's Law here but the facts speak for themselves. That ain't no cat sitting next to Hitler with its tongue hanging out drooling like a moron. And besides, pets are supposed to make their humans happy and I don't see a smile on Hitler's face. Hitler wasn't a pleasant person and I wouldn't be surprised if it was his dog's fault. And I'm not blaming that dog for the holocaust. Although I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest here.

We've all heard about Cruella de Ville. She's one of the more infamous dog lovers. She had a fetish for dalmations and made them into lovely coats. Although this is a horrible way to go for an animal it's a little hard to imagine that the dogs hadn't done something to deserve it. But that's just my opinion.

And remember I said they were disgusting? Well if you plug cat lovers into google you find the most fun stories and things to buy for your own cat.

However!!! If you plug dog lovers into google ... well, I really can't find the words for the creepy, disgusting stuff that dogs do to their humans, but I suspect any human with more than a box or rocks for a brain can imagine what you might find at a web site called doglovers.com! I think we know where the phrase man's best friend came from! Listen - I'm not making this shit up! If you're not buying this then maybe you need to just grow up and face reality!!!

People don't need to worry about us cats! That's all I got to say about this matter.