Showing posts with label California Veterinary Specialists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label California Veterinary Specialists. Show all posts

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Today's Visit to Dr O!

It was a perfectly normal Saturday morning. I had already been toasting myself on top of the spa - it's always warm. And then on a warm day you get toasted on both sides. Cats are experts at finding warm spots.

Then the day took a turn for the worse!

As can be seen in this photo I was tricked into this PPU (that's a portable prison unit). There's only one reason they stick me in this thing - they're dragging me to see the cat doctor. This is all messed up because I hadn't even needed any pills for a week! Well, it turns out the owners had run out and I needed a check up before they'd give me any more. So if you're wondering how many PhD's does it take to remember to refill my prescriptions --- well, it has to be more than two!

So we get to CVS and they start loving me up like I'm going to forget this is all happening. I mean CVS as in California Veterinary Specialists, not the drug store, in case anyone was wondering.

So my owner (the cute one) starts yapping away with the vet tech (aka Maggie). I'm sitting in my cage and they're yapping away. Well that's just great. At least she's asking about how I'm doing and then right there in public they start talking about my barfing a couple of times. Sounds like someone has some resentments! Maybe I should talk about when she's barfed! I could if I wanted to. Maggie keeps asking questions about me. I suppose this is so they can soften me up when they take me to the backroom to do stuff to me!

Before we get to that, I'd like to address a rather troubling issue with these Vets. These CVS vets usually seem very professional, but then they go and have all this dog stuff around (see photo above). I've circled and made arrows so my point gets across about this canine trifecta. Dogs are bigger but cats are smarter and more cunnng and their owners are willing to spend more money on us cats than all those doublewide owners and homeless people are willing to spend on dogs. Maybe if Dr Ogilvie reads this and if he has any clout in that place this could change.

So now we're just waiting. It's a Saturday and it seems like stuff takes longer on weekends. Most of the vets are probably off playing golf or killing puppies - both are pleasurable past-times. It's a long walk down the hall to the examination/surgery/torture dungeons and I have to admit it can be a little disquieting.

I notice that there is much less a sense of gloom outside. This gets me to thinking ...

That's right - I try and make a break for it!

I get past the first bench but then I'm snagged by this other vet tech. I've explained in an earlier post (in great detail) about how sneaky vet techs are. I think this one was spying on me given how easily she thwarted by escape attempt.

So after this little fracas, Michelle tries to console me. It might have worked had she had the sense to do it somewhere so that I couldn't see the great outdoors. It's hard not to get bitter about all this stuff!

So as can be seen by this photo they came out to haul me back to the backroom (as they call it).

They stick me on a cold table - like the kind they do autopsies on and start feeling up my throat. This vet in the red is from Slovinia which from the sound of her talk it's clear she's not from around here. Slovinia must be out past Moreno Valley - really far away. And Dr Ogilvie isn't my regular doctor. Dr Prouix is my regular doctor. He's a board certified specialist in oncology (cancer in other words). But they tell me that Dr Ogilvie is too. I prefer to see specialists as I'm a complex cat. I see that Dr O has published several books in the field. Well that's good. I want smart people around me to take care of my needs.

I'd like to point out that even though she is from a far away place, she still was very thoughtful in wearing red for my visit. As the Huskercat (GO BIG RED!), I appreciate the gesture. I've never seen her here before and I've been coming here a long time. They could use someone as considerate as her. I hope she sticks around! And that girl in blue can also stick around as far as I'm concerned. She obviously had a thing for me. I always like to encourage that kind of behavior!

So these photos show me getting probed and measured with their gizmos. I'm surprised that they let Maggie take these pictures of them in the act. Other than probing and poking me, they slapped me down on the table and needled me so they could get some blood. This happens every time I go there! The only thing I can figure out is that they are housing some kind of incompetent vampire who can't get blood on his own. Talk about embarrassing!

I don't quite get what all they're doing, but you have to admit that in this surveillance photo Dr O and Jenn Spela of Slovinia looks like they got caught doing something. Beats me but I've learned over the years that when Vets look like this you don't want to provoke them. Last thing I need is for them to decide that they're going to use me to juice up their secret vampire. Now that I'm home and can do a little research, I find out that Slovenia is well known for vampires! Holy cow - I was kidding a bit ago about the vampire business but now it seems clear that I'm right about this. Us cats have to go with our sixth sense on stuff like this.

HEALTH REPORT: So it turns out I'm doing great. I was assuming I was doing great since I'm looking so good. I got a refill on my human cancer drug which is actually made for human people. It's pretty powerful so when they looked at my blood cells and my platelet cluster count was good so we know that the drug isn't killing me! That's certainly good! They also gave me some more prednisolone. I have to take that every day. It's a steroid which probably accounts for my being able to kick the ass of any cat that comes in the yard even though I'm getting pretty old. I can also run dogs out of the yard, but you don't need steroids to do that. Dogs are wuses.


It's getting obvious that this vet in the red sweater is really into PDAs! Her displays of affection are getting pretty personal. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that she's pretty good at it. She seems pretty smart and smells really nice so I bet she's not one of those vets that works with dogs. She's too pretty to let herself go to the dogs. HA!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My oncology checkup! 9 month progress report


Well, here we are again! Just sitting around waiting for medical attention. I'm feeling fine and don't mind sitting here with my pretty owner. The other one took this picture. To the extent that you can call it a picture - the composition is horrible! I'm here for a check up. I'm feeling fine (except for the ride in the PPU (personal prison unit) which always gets me in a bad mood!
We don't have to wait long and Maggie, the Vet Tech, comes in. After a few pleasantries and questions she checks my weight. I'm always a little self-conscious when my weight is checked. I don't know what that's all about because when I checked this morning, I was looking mighty fine. So it turns out in the last 5 months I've gone from 11 lb 2 oz to 11 lb 10 oz. That's good news for me to gain 8 ounces! That's good because that virtually guarantees that I'll continue to get morning and evening Fancy Feast Grilled Seafood dinner with gravy! All the Fancy Feast's with gravy are super!

One thing that this hospital needs to do is get with the times. All my European cat friends always talk in metric and this place never does. That half a pound that I've added on to my handsomeness is 226 grams. You know what's really funny about that? That's about what a rat weighs! That's funny and disgusting at the same time!

Maggie takes me to the "back room" and I sit around for awhile. There don't seem to be any clear escape routes. Oh - and the "back room" is no "back room" - it's a major veterinary medical facility with so many gizmos it makes your head spin.
Well, it doesn't take long for them to get in gear. Time is money! (I've never heard them say that, but I bet they do! They got to with all the fancy art work on the walls around here. Everything is paintings of cats or dogs. Obviously no paintings of cats with dogs because that would be perverted! Now that I think about it, it's probably the cat paintings that are pricey; the dog paintings look rather cheap. To be honest, I wouldn't even call them art. I don't want to get into a discussion of Aesthetics but these dog paintings could only be considered art from a Relativistic point of view. You know, like dog paintings are good compared to mouse poo! ha ha ha! I'm sure for a couple of packages of Twinkies one could hire someone with a PhD in post-modernism to try and make sense out of dog paintings, but I don't have time for that kind of crap. Now let's get back to me!

Here I'm getting the needle because they have to take some of my blood so they can do a complete blood count (a CDC). They'll be able to tell me how I'm doing. That's good because I wouldn't want an incomplete blood count! People would start wondering what trailer park I was from! I wonder if this test could tell if dogs are vampires? I bet quite a few of them are. It seems just like the sort of disgusting thing a dog would like to do. Lots of dogs are blood fetishists so it only stands to reason that lots of them are vampires. That's just common sense!
Well finally I get real medical attention. By "real" I mean from a real doctor. And not a regular vet type. My doctor, Dr Prouix is certified and stuff. His name sounds French but I don't think he is because he's really nice. He's a certified Diplomate in Oncology and in Radiation Oncology. I don't know what the hell that means but if you have two Diplomate things that has to be good! Plus, his titles sound really scientific. I like that - I don't want some witch doctor throwing some chicken bones to tell me how I'm doing!
Although I'm getting checked over plenty good, I'm starting to get a little tired of it. I get poked, blood drawn, my heart listened to by one of those stetho-thingies.

I THOUGHT things were going pretty good until THIS little procedure took place! Since the first time I went to a vet I've thought vet techs are sneaky. They always act really nice and then the next thing you know you either have a needle poked in you or something poked up your behind!
Well, I'm all done and hanging out with the two owners to see how I scored on the tests. Or whatever they do with them.
It's all good news too! My blood scores are all normal and Dr. P says that my cancer is for all practical purposes in remission. I'm a little uneasy about this "for all practical purposes" lingo, but I'll let it slide. I'm feeling fine and I'm certainly looking fine, and I have a great appetite so life seems good to me! You might even say I have an appetite for life! It's been five months since I was here last and I've gained a rat's worth of weight and they say I'm good. Of course, I know I'm good. Hell, I'm good when I'm bad! HA!

I'm going out and hunt lizards now! Sweeet!

Monday, August 6, 2007

THIS SUCKS!!

I have cancer. That's the diagnosis! How's THAT for some news! Dr Mallory called my owner up and we were hoping that the verdict would be feline inflammatory bowel disease that would explain my barfing and weight loss and it would suck less than cancer!

Well, I guess it's not my day!

They took a couple biopsies last time I went to the California Veterinary Specialists. That's when Dr Mallory poked that endoscopic torture tool down my throat (see surveillance photo below). They had drugged me so it's not like I gave a rat's ass when they did that, but the whole process is just annoying and, to be honest, I'm getting reeeaallly tired of it. I just keep thinking about how all this money my owners are spending on this stuff could be invested in additional Fancy Feast meals for me! Well, who said life is fair, right? I mean ... just ask any dog! ha ha ha!!


In this surveillance photo you can see when they took out the disgusting biopsy goop. YUK!

So anyways ... the good news (yeah, right ... good news!) is that I have a small cell cancer. I'm no expert but it seems like if you're going to have cancer it's best to have a smaller one than a bigger one. I mean, come on, that's just common sense. It's not like I need a PhD is histopathology stuff to figure that out! And the tests also showed that the cancer hasn't spread much in my lymph nodes. I didn't even know I HAD any lymph nodes! Now that's pretty funny! So on Thursday, they're going to drag my ass back to the vet facility to get poked and looked over by a oncology-type doctor. I hope they don't shave any more fur off of me - I'm walking around here looking like a french poodle. It's hard not to be a little self-conscious chasing rodents into the swimming pool looking like a french poodle!

Hey, guess what! The cancer is in my intestine. I'm taking a little satisfaction knowing that my cancer cells are swimming around in my POO! HA HA HA!!!!

I don't have any first hand stuff but I keep my ears in gear when the Vet calls anymore. It's like I want to know if the news is bad news or worse news! I heard my owner on the phone with the Doc and it sounds like they're going to inflict me with some chemotherapy. I'm not sure I need any therapy. I'm not a neurotic cat and I have no active psychoses anymore so I'll take a pass on this therapy stuff. We live in California so I can just imagine they got some wack-job new-age dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks therapy in mind for me. Last thing I need is another session in a sensory deprivation tank! Those things are like Starbucks out here - one on every corner. Hey! Maybe they'll get me a shaman to go into a trance and sing and dance around my litter box!

I'll have more to report after this next visit to the feline medical compound. The news could have been better but the important thing with this is to keep a good attitude. I draw my inspiration from Lance Armstrong. He had cancer, lost a nut, and came back to do some pretty good bike-riding. At least it was good enough to piss off the French which suits me just fine since I'm stuck here looking like a french poodle thanks to the shaving I got at the Vet's! Maybe I'll get one of those yellow Lance Armstrong bracelets. I could wear it as a collar and make a fashion statement while I'm fighting my disease! At least I'd be looking good while I lose weight. You'ld think I was trying to be the Kate Moss of the cat world or something. Now she's hot! But if you want to catch a glimpse of her make sure she's not standing sideways!

One last thing ... I wish my owner would stop referring to me as the Cancer Cat! Frankly, it seems a little insensitive. Maybe I'll start doing some elective barfing!

I'm outta here!