Friday, March 28, 2008

Blog change! LISTEN UP!

All my fans (and enemies) and, of course, the editors of Cat Fancy, should know that I'm changing my blog to this fancy-smancy blogger page instead of the low rent piece of software crap my owner signed up for before. My old blog, can still be viewed until all is transferred to this most excellent site.

With my new blog being on, it will become indexed more thoroughly which will make me even more famous. Although this is hard to believe that I could be more famous, I'm not so old school that my cat web page can't take advantage of the latest technology for searching the internets. Naturally you should read all of it in order to stay abreast of my exciting activities and superior lifestyle.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

My oncology checkup! 9 month progress report

Well, here we are again! Just sitting around waiting for medical attention. I'm feeling fine and don't mind sitting here with my pretty owner. The other one took this picture. To the extent that you can call it a picture - the composition is horrible! I'm here for a check up. I'm feeling fine (except for the ride in the PPU (personal prison unit) which always gets me in a bad mood!
We don't have to wait long and Maggie, the Vet Tech, comes in. After a few pleasantries and questions she checks my weight. I'm always a little self-conscious when my weight is checked. I don't know what that's all about because when I checked this morning, I was looking mighty fine. So it turns out in the last 5 months I've gone from 11 lb 2 oz to 11 lb 10 oz. That's good news for me to gain 8 ounces! That's good because that virtually guarantees that I'll continue to get morning and evening Fancy Feast Grilled Seafood dinner with gravy! All the Fancy Feast's with gravy are super!

One thing that this hospital needs to do is get with the times. All my European cat friends always talk in metric and this place never does. That half a pound that I've added on to my handsomeness is 226 grams. You know what's really funny about that? That's about what a rat weighs! That's funny and disgusting at the same time!

Maggie takes me to the "back room" and I sit around for awhile. There don't seem to be any clear escape routes. Oh - and the "back room" is no "back room" - it's a major veterinary medical facility with so many gizmos it makes your head spin.
Well, it doesn't take long for them to get in gear. Time is money! (I've never heard them say that, but I bet they do! They got to with all the fancy art work on the walls around here. Everything is paintings of cats or dogs. Obviously no paintings of cats with dogs because that would be perverted! Now that I think about it, it's probably the cat paintings that are pricey; the dog paintings look rather cheap. To be honest, I wouldn't even call them art. I don't want to get into a discussion of Aesthetics but these dog paintings could only be considered art from a Relativistic point of view. You know, like dog paintings are good compared to mouse poo! ha ha ha! I'm sure for a couple of packages of Twinkies one could hire someone with a PhD in post-modernism to try and make sense out of dog paintings, but I don't have time for that kind of crap. Now let's get back to me!

Here I'm getting the needle because they have to take some of my blood so they can do a complete blood count (a CDC). They'll be able to tell me how I'm doing. That's good because I wouldn't want an incomplete blood count! People would start wondering what trailer park I was from! I wonder if this test could tell if dogs are vampires? I bet quite a few of them are. It seems just like the sort of disgusting thing a dog would like to do. Lots of dogs are blood fetishists so it only stands to reason that lots of them are vampires. That's just common sense!
Well finally I get real medical attention. By "real" I mean from a real doctor. And not a regular vet type. My doctor, Dr Prouix is certified and stuff. His name sounds French but I don't think he is because he's really nice. He's a certified Diplomate in Oncology and in Radiation Oncology. I don't know what the hell that means but if you have two Diplomate things that has to be good! Plus, his titles sound really scientific. I like that - I don't want some witch doctor throwing some chicken bones to tell me how I'm doing!
Although I'm getting checked over plenty good, I'm starting to get a little tired of it. I get poked, blood drawn, my heart listened to by one of those stetho-thingies.

I THOUGHT things were going pretty good until THIS little procedure took place! Since the first time I went to a vet I've thought vet techs are sneaky. They always act really nice and then the next thing you know you either have a needle poked in you or something poked up your behind!
Well, I'm all done and hanging out with the two owners to see how I scored on the tests. Or whatever they do with them.
It's all good news too! My blood scores are all normal and Dr. P says that my cancer is for all practical purposes in remission. I'm a little uneasy about this "for all practical purposes" lingo, but I'll let it slide. I'm feeling fine and I'm certainly looking fine, and I have a great appetite so life seems good to me! You might even say I have an appetite for life! It's been five months since I was here last and I've gained a rat's worth of weight and they say I'm good. Of course, I know I'm good. Hell, I'm good when I'm bad! HA!

I'm going out and hunt lizards now! Sweeet!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Rachel - another sexy new friend!

Rachel and Nicole came over today. They are both really pretty models from Washington. Why girls this pretty would want to hang out with my owner is beyond me.

This picture doesn't do her justice but then that wasn't my fault. She seems to like dogs more than cats and, frankly it showed in her attitude when she picked me up. Everyone around here seems to think they can just pick me up! She was holding me kinda funny and I flipped over which, as it turns out, gave me quite a face full! She's making that funny face because I, shall I say, extended my claws. Now what was really funny was when she decided she didn't want to hold me my claw grabbed her dress (see my right paw in the surveillance photo) and considerable hilarity ensued (as they say!). If my owner actually knew how to work that camera of his, he would have got a photo of THAT!

She was very nice but she needs some elementary lessons on how to handle cats. Especially VIP cats such as myself! And she should dump that yippy little Mexican dog of hers and get a real pet that would respect her as a woman - such as a cat like me. Not that I would go with her; I have it way too good here with savory Grilled Fancy Feast Seafood dinner with gravy two times a day!

Nicole - another sexy new friend!

Nicole and Rachel came over today. My owner thinks he's a photographer and they took all kinds of pictures. They are from Washington. They had the nerve to bring a damn dog with them. I couldn't believe it! If my owner knew about this there will be hell to pay!!

The damn dog actually tried to eat my food! It was a yippy little thing. It was a dog like in the Taco Bell commercials - I think they're called ratdogs. (haha!)

It's not clear at all to my why someone as pretty as her would want a snippy little loser dog like that! She's free to hug me all she wants, but I'd prefer to see less of that dog. It's hardly a dog really ... it's so dinky. If I were that dog, I'd be embarrassed to be a dog. And if I weren't that dog, and was some other dog, I'd beat the crap out of it!