Saturday, September 8, 2012

Bruins are Godless Killing Machines!

Oh boy, wow. Yuk!! UCLA hasn't beat the Huskers since 1988! We can't say that anymore! UCLA hasn't upset Nebraska since 1972 when Nebraska was ranked #1. I'm pretty sure about that 1972 thing but I don't have time for a lot of fact checking. Bad tackles, interceptions, poor half-time recovery were just part of the problem. UCLA football has a reputation of being "soft" and their schedule was seen as a "cakewalk." This reputation may not be fully deserved ...
Yay for us after our first score!!

Here I am. Looking adorable but increasingly depressed watching this abortion of a football game. Note the Husker Red blanket for my basket. I am fully committed to Husker Red!
Fox can hardly be considered "fair and balanced" when they use such BIG numbers in a transparent attempt to rub some Husker noses in Bruin poo. This is anti-American which I guess shouldn't be a surprise since Fox is owned by some rich dictatorial tycoon guy from Australia, which logically demonstrates that Fox is literally un-American. I'm not even sure Australia is a real country since it's a little third world island. That place has over 1500 kinds of spiders! They have over 6000 kinds of flies for God's sake!! And get this ... Australia is famous for their bears. Especially koala bears that scientists refer to as arboreal marstupials. Scientists have proven that bears are evil and stupid - a very dangerous combination. This is no coincidence as will be detailed below. Australia is a dump and that's why Fox Sports was trying to embarrass the Cornhuskers!
The UCLA Bruins outplayed us today. They may have cut a deal with the devil to keep our passing so inconsistent and having our players missing their tackles like they did. What evidence do I have for this??  Just look at their name - BRUINS. Do you know what Bruins really are? BEARS!!! Bears are godless killing machines without souls and are Satan's minions and the true symbol of evil.  Bruins run around the woods using it as their personal latrine and hide behind their "endangered" status. This is all true - I found it on respectable web sites that are on the internets and is a view made famous by Dr Colbert, DFA, who is a scientific authority on bears.

Government warning sign that can be found in all of America's national parks.
These are strong charges but I stand behind them. These are clear evidence-based conclusions and I hope that the Huskers can get some of Satan's minions on the offensive and defensive line sooner than later! By next Saturday would be nice since we'll be tangling with the Red Wolves of Arkansas State. Given what happened today with the Bruins, I wouldn't be surprised if the Red Wolves are actually werewolves!! You heard it here first!!
Bears have no respect - not even for Jesus!!