Thursday, January 2, 2014

What does the lizard say for News Years???

So why, you might wonder, do I give a rat's ass about what lizards do on New Year's Day.  However, to preface this question, I offer the following photographic evidence that I am usually a laid-back kind of cat. I'm not out to "get" anyone.  I don't enjoy making others suffer.

One Laid-back Cat

This is me snarling. And, yes, I do look adorable when snarling.

I think I see something!!

Us cats have pretty amazing reflexes.  We are faster than a Manhattan switchblade. I'm told … I don't know what that is.  How how are we so fast?  I'm sure you're wondering that. That's natural.  I'm no neurophysiologist, but it's not that hard to understand neuro-stuff, so I'll give you the simple story on how we're so speedy. It has to do with nerves. When a cat (or a human) reacts to a stimulus (like a meandering lizard, this will be important later), a nerve signal gets sent to the spinal cord and follows a reflex arc back to a motor neuron (motor means muscle) or it gets sent to the brain where a decision has to be made. Us cats use reflex arcs due to evolution and stuff for many things where a human have to "think" about it. Our effector muscles are really fast. Check this out if you don't believe me. We also have thick axons which makes us like a Ferrari compared to humans (no offense).

So anyways, I spot something …

This is me spotting something.
It was a lizard. There's a bazillion lizards around here. The surveillance system around this place is woefully inadequate for the needs of our operation at this facility (house) and so there are no photos of me chasing the lizard. But that's what I did and I employed a tried and true method of pursuit - chasing my prey into the swimming pool! The forensic photo evidence below shows his ultimate resting place - about 12 feet underwater! You gotta admit, that's pretty funny. The photo isn't up to my usual standards of quality but that's the problem of taking a picture of something dead at the bottom of the pool. 

Drowned Lizard who is Dead.
Lizards have been around for over 200 million years where us cats have only been around for about 25 million years. It's pretty sad that lizards haven't done more with those 200 million years than to evolve into weird looking creatures that get chased around all the time. That's not time well spent. So there you have it. I chased that lizard to his death and I'm proud of it. It's not like he didn't have it coming either. He was trespassing and thanks to the new Feline Stand Your Yard Law, I can deploy lethal force in these situations. Oh … and PeTA, you can suck hard on this all you want but you can't touch me!! Come on these premises and I'll make sure you are downwind as I, shall we say, express my anal glands in your general direction!

Requisite image mocking PeTA
Oh … so what does the lizard say for New Years? The last New Years sound from this lizard was something like "glub glub."