Dave - Sexy New Friend??

Dave is a friend of the family. He seems to be really good buddies with my owner (the big one). They talk so much you'ld think they were a couple of gossiping girls! Not that there's anything wrong with gossiping. Gossiping is an excellent source of rumors. Dave's a friendly kind of guy and I like people who will worship me - period. I have no gender issues. I'm a good example of how you can't prevent love - just look at all the people who can't help themselves when it comes to showing me their love. Not that there's a good reason to help yourself from loving me. Just let the feelings flow.

The thing is - and I'm reluctant to bring it up - is that Dave believes that he qualifies as a SNF, that is, a Sexy New Friend. It's not like I have a bunch of rules about this. I'm not a bureaucat! HA! But seriously, to be a sexy new friend, I've always had three criteria: 1) a person has to be sexy. That only makes sense. 2) You have to be new around here. That makes sense too, otherwise you'ld be an old friend. 3)You have to be friendly to me, in otherwords, a friend. I don't have a high bar for this. Petting me and scratching behind the ears or under my chin are several excellent routes to this status. I'm pretty superficial about it really.

So one could argue, as Dave is, that he should be a SNF. He basically qualifies. His girlfriend said he was sexy (although I think her objectivity is a little suspect). The photos caught him in the act of being friendly. There's no doubt about that. In fact, he's better and pouring on the love than lots of the girls are. But here's the problem! All my other sexy new friends are pretty and wear pretty things. Dave's kind of a slob and doesn't have any fashion sense.

I want to be fair about this because I know whether a person qualifies as being one of my SNFs means a lot to people and really gives a person a status boost. It's called the Huskercat Bump. It's like the Colbert Bump except that I'm a cat. So I think the right thing to do under the circumstances is to have Dave be a SNF but on probationary status. My attorneys say that there's no problem with this from a legal point of view. They also said that someone like Dave should be damn happy with that status too. I think that's right, although when my attorney (who specializes in cat issues) said it, it sounded kind of derogatory somehow. The probationary status phrase was my idea. My attorney first came up with "wannabe" friend but that didn't sound quite right.

So congratulations to Dave - he's my newest sexy new friend! He's one of Tommy's SNFs! Unless he screws it up somehow. He friendly but he's also a little weird. I don't mean that in a negative way.

Kelly - Not a sexy NEW friend because she's visited me lots of times!

Wow! It was nice to see Kelly again! It had been like 6 months since she visited last. She has to come in from Las Vegas which is a long ways away. Or so I'm told. It's not like anyone has taken me there! I'm obviously worth people traveling long distances. I'm kind of like Baby Jesus since people came from a long way to visit him although I bet he didn't appreciate it much since he was just a baby. I'm not being critical of Baby Jesus - I'm just saying human babies seem sort of stupid. It's like they don't know anything which science has proved, by the way. The last thing I need is a strike against me getting into cat heaven because I pissed off Jesus! It's frankly very questionable that I would get in anyways. I just know that if eating birds and murdering lizards is against the heaven rules, I'm in some serious trouble! But I doubt if birds and lizards have souls so who knows! I might get in after all because if they don't have souls then all my bird and lizard killing sprees would be a public service. Dogs certainly don't have souls - that's pretty obvious and they're retarded too.

But it was about time that she renewed our friendship which involves me getting brushed and petted lots - in case anyone is paying attention. As the first surveillance photo demonstrates I had things to do and places to go but she insisted on some serious public displays of affection (see second photo for proof of this!). I'm not complaining - she's more important than going out and chasing lizards. Especially since it's wasted time since the owners won't let me bring them in. It's really disturbing when humans don't appreciate the pleasure of a fresh kill. Yum!


She had just got back from school or something. I'm concluding that from how she was dressed. I actually don't know where she was. She's very pretty and even more importantly smells good. She's certainly smart enough for school since she has figured out that I eat better if I'm being petted. It makes dinner more interesting somehow.

I think this was her third time to come visit. It's hard to keep track with all my visitors and all. I think sleeping 18 hours a day affects my memory sometimes too. I'm not sure about that though - I don't really remember. And who cares really ... as long as the Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy keeps finding its way into my bowl.

Sulia - My Sexy New Friend!!

This is Sulia and she's wearing a wedding dress.  And, no, I didn't get married although it looks like I did! I should circulate this photo to get rid of some female cat stalkers.  She said her name was Japanese. It beats me - I've never been to Japanese - it's obviously outside of Riverside.  I thought Sulia was a Sufi name.  The last thing I need is an argument though. And if Sulia is a Sufi name, I'd like to point out that the Sufi's are in the inner, mystical dimension of Islam and the last thing I need is to have some mystical Islamists mad at me! I got enough troubles as it is!

Sulia is tons of fun and even though I was trying to get away from her (it was dinner time for crying out loud!), I really like her.  It's hard to keep up with her, but since I'm a cat it's not expected that I keep up with anyone. It doesn't get any better than being a cat when people take as normal when you sleep 18 hours a day! It's pretty obvious from the big smile I gave her that she's quite fond of me as well. I don't know what it is about me, but people just love me. 

She was pretty popular around here too. More than just me. My owner really liked her. The pretty one, not the one who took the picture. And when the pretty one likes someone, I notice they get invited back.  I bet she'll be back soon. She always has an invitation from me - that's for sure!

Jessika comes back to see me!

Jessika stopped by again. I was hoping she would come to visit since she sure seemed to like me when we first met! That's not unusual though, but I really like her. I think her and me are developing a thing, if you know what I mean. I don't mean anything untoward either - last thing I need is another sexual harrassment suit or for the court to think I've violated any of the restraining orders! I've learned my lesson! But at least I know Jessika cares about me. I was left out in the back yard and she was asking about me not that it mattered much to my owner apparently.

I'm not sure what she was up to. It looks like she stopped by on the way home from school. She seems smart so that could be. One thing I've noticed about her is she seems to like pink a lot! She always seems to be wearing something pink. She also changes her clothes quite a bit which I don't understand.

It's not like I have to worry about that. I got one coat and I wear it all the time. And it's a fur coat too so PeTA can go fuck themselves - I'll wear fur no matter what kind of wacked out weirdo political position those fear-mongering shit-for-brains take! I never even heard of them until today on the TV. I heard on the news that this radical group was trying to outlaw fur coats. All I know is that the International Association of Cat Celebrities (IACC) will sue their ass off if they push this. I'm a charter member of IACC, so what I say goes! I do wish they'd change their name from IACC though. IACC kinda sounds like the sound of coughing up a wet furball. I mean ... YUK! All I can say is that us animals who wear fur coats will unite and we will fuck PeTA up so bad they won't be able to sit down for a month!

What the hell would us cats, and bears, and dogs do without their fur coats? You don't have to reflect on that for very long to know that idea came from some mental retard! I heard Jessika say she wanted a cat. I should think about moving in with her. I doubt that I'd be missed much around here if how often I'm left out in the back yard is any indicator! I'm really just interested in us cats though. I could give a rat's ass about dogs! Rat's ass ... that's a weird saying ... I'm not sure where that came from. Sounds like something one of my owners might say though. Come to think of it, I really don't care about bears either. Bears are just godless killing machines anyway. I heard that on TV. Which proves that sleep learning must happen because I'm always sleeping when the owners park themselves in front of the TV. That's when I hang with them - they seem to appreciate it. They need to feel important and it seems to keep the Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy coming so all is good.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up. I feel a nap coming on. I'll just say I hope Jessika comes by again. It certainly perks things up around this place! Oh, and PeTA can just suck it! God, they've pissed me off! No fur coats! What a bunch of asses!!! Sorry about all the profanity. I blame my owner since he swears a lot. Cats aren't natural profaners - we're all about love! 

Jessika - one of my sexy new friends!

Finally a fresh face around this dump! When she saw me she said Well, it's about time I got to meet Tommy! Now imagine that being said with youthful enthusiasm. Not like how I just said it. All I can say is that someone got some class all of a sudden around here to invite her over. Her name is Jessika Dorian.

Sounds like a movie star. But then, let's be honest, what would a movie star be doing around here? Slumming? HA! Turns out I got egg on my face (not really, it's just an expression) - she actually has been on TV! She's been in KnightRider. I think it's a movie about horses and King Arthur or something. Anyways, it's always extra special to get nailed with a public display of affection by someone famous. Famous people and I have a lot in common since I'm famous too.

At any rate, she's so pretty she should be on a Fancy Feast cat food can! I would think one of the Grilled varieties with gravy. She seems like that kind of girl to me.

Her hair is the same color as my owner's (the cute owner). It's a very California look. It's also worth noting, and this is important, that Jessica is sporting a Husker jersey! I was thinking she had mighty fine taste in clothes but it turns out that it wasn't hers. It was just laying around here. Jessica grew up here in California so she's probably not a huge Husker fan, but you can tell she's a fan of me! It's been a long time since I got a squeeze with that level of youthful enthusiasm! It would be nice to have some more enthusiastic humans around like her. I hope she comes back. She needs to spend a little more time with me!

PS - that's my christmas portrait on the wall in the background. Notice my head is cut off! Had the photographer taking my picture with Jessika had a little more skill, he would have gotten my entire picture within this picture. And if you do the math, that would have made this picture twice as good!

Bird Feeder or Cat Feeder?

One of my owners, the pretty one, likes to feed the birds using one of these cheapo feeders which can be seen at the bottom right in this lousy photograph. The stained glass piece is a custom made work of art depicting me wistfully gazing out the door predatorally contemplating a fine bird lunch. It's beyond me why someone would want to take the time, expend the effort, and waste the money on feeding birds. What she doesn't seem to understand is that birds ARE the food!!
In this surveillance photo one of these tasty morsels can be seen feeding at the trough fattening himself up for his eventual demise. The quality of the photos lately has not been up to Huskercat standards. I'm not sure who I should complain to about this.
Here I can be seen after trying to snag a couple of those birds for lunch. I wasn't lucky today, but I ended up with a plate of Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy which is better anyway since there are no feathers in it. So should a bird feeder be called a cat feeder when there is a cat in the house? I don't care either - it's not like I'm a food linguist or something! As long as there is Grilled Tuna in Gravy all is good.

Help send me to outer space (sorta)

So here's the deal - you've probably heard of the International Space Station. I hope you have. I'm a cat and I've heard about it. Anyway, they're shooting another room up. I suspect it's a place for the Russians to stay since they don't use deodorant and so they kinda stink. But they're having a naming contest and I would want all my fans to submit my name (spelled Tommy) so it would be painted on the side of the room thingy they're shooting up there. You can see the official NASA photo of it. Which looks like it's already on the space station. Hmm ... I hope this NASA group is on the up and up. At any rate, if you got enough time on your hands to read my blog, then you got time to click HERE and vote for my name. It's for the greater good. The name Buddy is in the top 10 and I think we can all see that Buddy is a dog's name. Talk about a retarded name! How embarrassing would it be to have a space room named after a dog??!! I'm not prejudiced or anything but dogs have to be the dumbest, smelliest, most worthless animal that runs on four legs. Plus, they're just stupid. So let's avoid a national embarrassment.

Speaking of dogs and outer space ... if my name gets on the space room, it would energize my latest initiative which is to start sending dogs into outer space. My plan is that we round up a bunch of dogs each time the shuttle flies off and when they get in orbit the cat-lovin' astronauts will open the pod bay doors, throw a frisbee into space and all those dogs will run after it! OMG that would be so funny! Those dogs would never figure it all out. So vote for me so that, together, we can punk a bunch of dogs!