Dave - Sexy New Friend??

Dave is a friend of the family. He seems to be really good buddies with my owner (the big one). They talk so much you'ld think they were a couple of gossiping girls! Not that there's anything wrong with gossiping. Gossiping is an excellent source of rumors. Dave's a friendly kind of guy and I like people who will worship me - period. I have no gender issues. I'm a good example of how you can't prevent love - just look at all the people who can't help themselves when it comes to showing me their love. Not that there's a good reason to help yourself from loving me. Just let the feelings flow.

The thing is - and I'm reluctant to bring it up - is that Dave believes that he qualifies as a SNF, that is, a Sexy New Friend. It's not like I have a bunch of rules about this. I'm not a bureaucat! HA! But seriously, to be a sexy new friend, I've always had three criteria: 1) a person has to be sexy. That only makes sense. 2) You have to be new around here. That makes sense too, otherwise you'ld be an old friend. 3)You have to be friendly to me, in otherwords, a friend. I don't have a high bar for this. Petting me and scratching behind the ears or under my chin are several excellent routes to this status. I'm pretty superficial about it really.

So one could argue, as Dave is, that he should be a SNF. He basically qualifies. His girlfriend said he was sexy (although I think her objectivity is a little suspect). The photos caught him in the act of being friendly. There's no doubt about that. In fact, he's better and pouring on the love than lots of the girls are. But here's the problem! All my other sexy new friends are pretty and wear pretty things. Dave's kind of a slob and doesn't have any fashion sense.

I want to be fair about this because I know whether a person qualifies as being one of my SNFs means a lot to people and really gives a person a status boost. It's called the Huskercat Bump. It's like the Colbert Bump except that I'm a cat. So I think the right thing to do under the circumstances is to have Dave be a SNF but on probationary status. My attorneys say that there's no problem with this from a legal point of view. They also said that someone like Dave should be damn happy with that status too. I think that's right, although when my attorney (who specializes in cat issues) said it, it sounded kind of derogatory somehow. The probationary status phrase was my idea. My attorney first came up with "wannabe" friend but that didn't sound quite right.

So congratulations to Dave - he's my newest sexy new friend! He's one of Tommy's SNFs! Unless he screws it up somehow. He friendly but he's also a little weird. I don't mean that in a negative way.