Behind the Scenes! (at my New Year's Portrait)

This first one is my standard laying on a Husker blanket trying to look interested shot. I'm carrying this off well except I notice that it wouldn't have hurt one of the people to have given me a good brushing before this. They usually have a fur person here for me but I guess there was a little too much eggnog being passed around. I'm not completely sure about that probably because I know for sure that there was plenty of catnip floating around this joint over the last few days!

The second portrait is where they made me actually get up. I don't mind getting my picture taken but it's asking quite a bit to have me go out of my way like this. But no matter, I sure look good.

In this third photo I doing what the humans call copping an attitude. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but apparently I do that a lot. I just call it making my damn needs apparent to those who can't seem to figure it out right away!! I practically live here - you'ld think they'd get used to having a celebrity in the house. They'll be totally screwed if Madonna decides to stay over sometime!

Now for a behind the scene shot!!

Since most of you aren't celebrity cats (such as myself) I thought I'd show you what it looks like when you're getting a fancy New Year's celebrity portrait taken. You have a light to make sure your fur on the top is lit correctly. And then the crew has to have a light on each side since I have two sides. Otherwise, it would probably look weird or something. Then there's yet another light kinda in front of you (not visible here). That one flashes right in your face! This kind of thing is fun for awhile but eventually, being the center of attention like this gets a little tedious. But a cats like me got to do this to keep the fans happy. So I hope you're all happy!

Huskergirl Miss September gives good squeeze!! (to me!)

It was Monday. No good bowl games today. I mean who wants to watch Rutgers play? I didn't even know that Rutgers had a football team. To be honest, I never heard of Rutgers - I don't actually keep up with all these colleges and stuff. I'm quite content to pay attention to the Huskers and I know in a few days they're going to kick the tail off of a Clemson football team. Nebraska plays on January 1st! That's a real bowl game day.

Anyways, I always like it when Natalie visits me. She's a regular around here and I suspect that she comes to just get her photo taken with me. I wouldn't be the first time someone tries to piggyback on my reputation as the celebrity Huskercat!

She moved to Alabama so I don't get to see her as much. It's a real mystery to me why someone would actually move to Alabama. If you were kidnapped then it would make sense. There are probably lots of kidnappers in Alabama.

I mean how weird is a state when their county sheriff pleads guilty to perjury and an ethics violation to stay out of prison when his crime was stealing over $9,000 for buying over $9,000 in Mardi Gras beads using the school vending machine money. I ask you how much shit for brains does a person have to have to even ponder such a high crime??? I'm sure his wife/sister didn't offer any good advice. I'm glad I live in California. Our weirdness is usually interesting and not obvious evidence of generations of inbreeding. At least we don't bury our dead in roadside graves!!

Plus, I doubt that Fancy Feast would stoop to lowering themselves to selling their Tuna Feast with Gravy in Alabama. I'm sure there's plenty of road kill innards to keep their cats all plumped up. I'm sure they can 'splain it all good by citing some Old Testament injunction about wasting food or something like that.

I suppose I'm just upset that Natalie had to leave again. She gives good squeeze! (as can be seen in the above photos) And she is Miss September in the new Huskergirls Calendar! How cool is that!! I get squeezed by Miss September! She's very classy looking. I hang out with the best - that's for sure!

She had red hair when she came over, but had black hair in her Huskergirl photo. Hell, one time she even had pink hair! Well, what can I say - this is California! I got to see if I can be in this calendar next year. In fact, I can't figure out why I wasn't asked!!

Merry Christmas 2008! What Santa brought me!

HO HO HO is the word of the day it would seem! Santa Claus came to visit or so I'm told. He's not part of our cat mythology but from what I can gather he's some fat guy who doesn't know how to shave and is old enough to retire. And he's known for delivering the goods so he's my kind of guy!

The owners made me sit on this box for my "Christmas picture." Sounds like I get one picture a year taken or something. I get my picture taken all the time. That's why they have a special photographer for me. All celebrities have their own photographer! But they can take my picture if they want - as long as there's loot to be had! I've already noticed that my sock has three candy canes but the others only have one. This bodes well. For me!

Presents are being opened and I smell something special. I can't figure it out. Us cat's have a special smell organ in our mouth and so I can always figure things out better if I smell with my mouth. Bet you didn't know that cats had this. It's just one more reason in a long list of reasons why cats are superior to dogs. I mean dogs can smell better than cats, but that's not going to make up the difference for being retarded in the brain now is it? Dogs are stupid.

It turns out that the one owner (the big one) gave the cute owner a hair skrunchy made out of mink fur! It was in her Christmas stocking. Wow - they killed a mink just to make a hair scrunchy.  Well, that's ok by me. Minks are sneaky little things and all you PeTA fans who are thinking that it's not fair for a mink to get killed to make a hair scrunchy I'd like to remind you that this mink probably had it coming for one reason or another so there's no reason to be losing sleep over this. For god's sake don't be a wuse about something like this! Save your emotional torment for something worthwhile - like how there might be a Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy shortage! I have nightmares about that!!

My owners go crazy about cat stuff. They're complete suckers for any cat crap. Somebody has this all figured out because someone gave them some dish towels with cats on them (see surveillance photo above).  Whoever gave them these towels must live in a double wide somewhere because if they had any taste at all they would have gotten some towels with Maine Coons since we are so much more better looking than the mangy cat on the towel. 

So what did Santa bring me? That's what you really wanted to know! I got a bunch of cans of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast in Gravy (my all time fav!); and a can of Fancy Feast Tuna Feast (the kind without gravy), and a can of Fancy Feast Ocean Whitefish & Tuna Feast in Gravy. The feeders know I like the Fancy Feasts in gravy the most so I'm not sure what's up with the Tuna Feast without gravy, but I don't want to seem ungrateful, although I wish they'd pay a little closer attention to my needs than this. But I did pretty well for myself and it's time to be reflective about all the feral cats who go hungry although, I don't like to reflect on that for too long because Christmas is all about having stuff (like Fancy Feasts) and not about being down on your luck. 

Warming my tail!

It gets pretty cold here in California in the winter. It was down to like 50 or so today! So they made me a nice fire to supplement the warmth that my lush fur coat can provide me. I don't have much to say. This is pretty much an excuse to show you another really cool picture of me.

Save big cats - not dogs

I know I got it pretty good when I see this animal shelter stuff. Since I got it so good here (not that I'd let the humans know that) I'd actually rather not be reminded of the sorry state of other animals. It harshes my mellow. But my friend, Carole Baskin, who runs that Big Cat Rescue place emailed me personally. I think she likes hangin' with celebrities which explains why she emailed me.

But I'm recommending that you vote for the Big Cat Rescue place in Florida. Not because Florida is a nice place, because it's not. But you gotta support the big cats. Plus, when you support them you know for sure you're not supporting dogs like at a humane society or something like that. The other thing is that the Big Cat place is in first place. Might as well go with a winner I always say!

Cats - good; Dogs - suck. Darwin says so!

I'm not a scientist or anything. I don't have time to go to college and let's face it .. they wouldn't admit a cat anyway. I spend too much time sleeping and eating. Hmm .. so maybe I would be a good college student ... But all this doesn't mean I don't watch for the latest advances in evolutionary anthropology especially when they prove that cats are betters than dumbass dogs. Cats are better hunters (I think everyone knew this), but apparently we're much more stealthy than dogs, which obviously makes us smarter. Dogs are better at long distance chases, which obviously shows they're stupider. Why put in extra work if you don't need to? Evolution always favors those who can be strategically lazy - it's all common sense really.

Their data shows that cats have "a previously unrecognized mechanical relationship in which crouched postures are associated with changes in footfall pattern, which are in turn related to reduced mechanical energy recovery." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but another scientist said that "cats hold the edge in all-around hunting skill. Overall, they've fine-tuned their system." That validates what I've said for a long time - I'm a finely-tuned system. I'm glad science is finally getting around to studying this. They would have figured this out a long time ago if their scientists were as good as the ones that made Fancy Feast's Tuna Feast with Gravy. Oh well.

How to tell if your cat is killing you.

No, No, NO. the website, catswhothrowupgrass.com is only advisory. Some humans have posted on their blogs some grave concerns about how this goes to a page about How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. It has signs like how if a cat is kneading on you it's not a sign of affection but that the cat is checking your internal organs for weaknesses.

Humans have reacted to this and I just wanted to point out how these warning signs are only mere suggestions in the cat world. They are far from clear cut indicators of cat behavior. They are not some kind of imperative. The site was clearly put together by some paranoid, conspiracy-minded dog lovers. Humans have no need to worry about cats. Dogs are the stupid and most digusting creatures in the animal kingdom. Humans should worry about dogs!

It doesn't take much time googling to discover that some of the most evil people have loved dogs. Hitler had a dog. I don't think much more needs to be said! Oh, and he named the dog Blondi. It takes some serious sick psychopathology to name your dog Blondi. I hate to succumb to Godwin's Law here but the facts speak for themselves. That ain't no cat sitting next to Hitler with its tongue hanging out drooling like a moron. And besides, pets are supposed to make their humans happy and I don't see a smile on Hitler's face. Hitler wasn't a pleasant person and I wouldn't be surprised if it was his dog's fault. And I'm not blaming that dog for the holocaust. Although I wouldn't be surprised, to be honest here.

We've all heard about Cruella de Ville. She's one of the more infamous dog lovers. She had a fetish for dalmations and made them into lovely coats. Although this is a horrible way to go for an animal it's a little hard to imagine that the dogs hadn't done something to deserve it. But that's just my opinion.

And remember I said they were disgusting? Well if you plug cat lovers into google you find the most fun stories and things to buy for your own cat.

However!!! If you plug dog lovers into google ... well, I really can't find the words for the creepy, disgusting stuff that dogs do to their humans, but I suspect any human with more than a box or rocks for a brain can imagine what you might find at a web site called doglovers.com! I think we know where the phrase man's best friend came from! Listen - I'm not making this shit up! If you're not buying this then maybe you need to just grow up and face reality!!!

People don't need to worry about us cats! That's all I got to say about this matter.