Jessika comes back to see me!

Jessika stopped by again. I was hoping she would come to visit since she sure seemed to like me when we first met! That's not unusual though, but I really like her. I think her and me are developing a thing, if you know what I mean. I don't mean anything untoward either - last thing I need is another sexual harrassment suit or for the court to think I've violated any of the restraining orders! I've learned my lesson! But at least I know Jessika cares about me. I was left out in the back yard and she was asking about me not that it mattered much to my owner apparently.

I'm not sure what she was up to. It looks like she stopped by on the way home from school. She seems smart so that could be. One thing I've noticed about her is she seems to like pink a lot! She always seems to be wearing something pink. She also changes her clothes quite a bit which I don't understand.

It's not like I have to worry about that. I got one coat and I wear it all the time. And it's a fur coat too so PeTA can go fuck themselves - I'll wear fur no matter what kind of wacked out weirdo political position those fear-mongering shit-for-brains take! I never even heard of them until today on the TV. I heard on the news that this radical group was trying to outlaw fur coats. All I know is that the International Association of Cat Celebrities (IACC) will sue their ass off if they push this. I'm a charter member of IACC, so what I say goes! I do wish they'd change their name from IACC though. IACC kinda sounds like the sound of coughing up a wet furball. I mean ... YUK! All I can say is that us animals who wear fur coats will unite and we will fuck PeTA up so bad they won't be able to sit down for a month!

What the hell would us cats, and bears, and dogs do without their fur coats? You don't have to reflect on that for very long to know that idea came from some mental retard! I heard Jessika say she wanted a cat. I should think about moving in with her. I doubt that I'd be missed much around here if how often I'm left out in the back yard is any indicator! I'm really just interested in us cats though. I could give a rat's ass about dogs! Rat's ass ... that's a weird saying ... I'm not sure where that came from. Sounds like something one of my owners might say though. Come to think of it, I really don't care about bears either. Bears are just godless killing machines anyway. I heard that on TV. Which proves that sleep learning must happen because I'm always sleeping when the owners park themselves in front of the TV. That's when I hang with them - they seem to appreciate it. They need to feel important and it seems to keep the Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy coming so all is good.

I'm not sure how to wrap this up. I feel a nap coming on. I'll just say I hope Jessika comes by again. It certainly perks things up around this place! Oh, and PeTA can just suck it! God, they've pissed me off! No fur coats! What a bunch of asses!!! Sorry about all the profanity. I blame my owner since he swears a lot. Cats aren't natural profaners - we're all about love! 

Jessika - one of my sexy new friends!

Finally a fresh face around this dump! When she saw me she said Well, it's about time I got to meet Tommy! Now imagine that being said with youthful enthusiasm. Not like how I just said it. All I can say is that someone got some class all of a sudden around here to invite her over. Her name is Jessika Dorian.

Sounds like a movie star. But then, let's be honest, what would a movie star be doing around here? Slumming? HA! Turns out I got egg on my face (not really, it's just an expression) - she actually has been on TV! She's been in KnightRider. I think it's a movie about horses and King Arthur or something. Anyways, it's always extra special to get nailed with a public display of affection by someone famous. Famous people and I have a lot in common since I'm famous too.

At any rate, she's so pretty she should be on a Fancy Feast cat food can! I would think one of the Grilled varieties with gravy. She seems like that kind of girl to me.

Her hair is the same color as my owner's (the cute owner). It's a very California look. It's also worth noting, and this is important, that Jessica is sporting a Husker jersey! I was thinking she had mighty fine taste in clothes but it turns out that it wasn't hers. It was just laying around here. Jessica grew up here in California so she's probably not a huge Husker fan, but you can tell she's a fan of me! It's been a long time since I got a squeeze with that level of youthful enthusiasm! It would be nice to have some more enthusiastic humans around like her. I hope she comes back. She needs to spend a little more time with me!

PS - that's my christmas portrait on the wall in the background. Notice my head is cut off! Had the photographer taking my picture with Jessika had a little more skill, he would have gotten my entire picture within this picture. And if you do the math, that would have made this picture twice as good!

Bird Feeder or Cat Feeder?

One of my owners, the pretty one, likes to feed the birds using one of these cheapo feeders which can be seen at the bottom right in this lousy photograph. The stained glass piece is a custom made work of art depicting me wistfully gazing out the door predatorally contemplating a fine bird lunch. It's beyond me why someone would want to take the time, expend the effort, and waste the money on feeding birds. What she doesn't seem to understand is that birds ARE the food!!
In this surveillance photo one of these tasty morsels can be seen feeding at the trough fattening himself up for his eventual demise. The quality of the photos lately has not been up to Huskercat standards. I'm not sure who I should complain to about this.
Here I can be seen after trying to snag a couple of those birds for lunch. I wasn't lucky today, but I ended up with a plate of Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy which is better anyway since there are no feathers in it. So should a bird feeder be called a cat feeder when there is a cat in the house? I don't care either - it's not like I'm a food linguist or something! As long as there is Grilled Tuna in Gravy all is good.

Help send me to outer space (sorta)

So here's the deal - you've probably heard of the International Space Station. I hope you have. I'm a cat and I've heard about it. Anyway, they're shooting another room up. I suspect it's a place for the Russians to stay since they don't use deodorant and so they kinda stink. But they're having a naming contest and I would want all my fans to submit my name (spelled Tommy) so it would be painted on the side of the room thingy they're shooting up there. You can see the official NASA photo of it. Which looks like it's already on the space station. Hmm ... I hope this NASA group is on the up and up. At any rate, if you got enough time on your hands to read my blog, then you got time to click HERE and vote for my name. It's for the greater good. The name Buddy is in the top 10 and I think we can all see that Buddy is a dog's name. Talk about a retarded name! How embarrassing would it be to have a space room named after a dog??!! I'm not prejudiced or anything but dogs have to be the dumbest, smelliest, most worthless animal that runs on four legs. Plus, they're just stupid. So let's avoid a national embarrassment.

Speaking of dogs and outer space ... if my name gets on the space room, it would energize my latest initiative which is to start sending dogs into outer space. My plan is that we round up a bunch of dogs each time the shuttle flies off and when they get in orbit the cat-lovin' astronauts will open the pod bay doors, throw a frisbee into space and all those dogs will run after it! OMG that would be so funny! Those dogs would never figure it all out. So vote for me so that, together, we can punk a bunch of dogs!

Really funny dead dog joke!

Dead dog photo:"Are you sure?" the distraught woman asked. "He was a great family pet. Isn't there anything else you can do?" The vet paused for a moment and said, "There is one more thing we can do."He left the room for a moment and came back carrying a large cage with a cat in it. The vet opened the cage door and the cat walked over to the dog. The cat sniffed the dog from head to toe and walked back to the cage.

"Well, that confirms it," the vet announced, "your dog is dead." Satisfied that the vet had done everything he possibly could, the woman sighed, "How much do I owe you?" "That will be $330," the vet replied. "I don't believe it!" screamed the woman. "What did you do that cost $330?"

"Well," the vet replied, "it's $30 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

Today's Visit to Dr O!

It was a perfectly normal Saturday morning. I had already been toasting myself on top of the spa - it's always warm. And then on a warm day you get toasted on both sides. Cats are experts at finding warm spots.

Then the day took a turn for the worse!

As can be seen in this photo I was tricked into this PPU (that's a portable prison unit). There's only one reason they stick me in this thing - they're dragging me to see the cat doctor. This is all messed up because I hadn't even needed any pills for a week! Well, it turns out the owners had run out and I needed a check up before they'd give me any more. So if you're wondering how many PhD's does it take to remember to refill my prescriptions --- well, it has to be more than two!

So we get to CVS and they start loving me up like I'm going to forget this is all happening. I mean CVS as in California Veterinary Specialists, not the drug store, in case anyone was wondering.

So my owner (the cute one) starts yapping away with the vet tech (aka Maggie). I'm sitting in my cage and they're yapping away. Well that's just great. At least she's asking about how I'm doing and then right there in public they start talking about my barfing a couple of times. Sounds like someone has some resentments! Maybe I should talk about when she's barfed! I could if I wanted to. Maggie keeps asking questions about me. I suppose this is so they can soften me up when they take me to the backroom to do stuff to me!

Before we get to that, I'd like to address a rather troubling issue with these Vets. These CVS vets usually seem very professional, but then they go and have all this dog stuff around (see photo above). I've circled and made arrows so my point gets across about this canine trifecta. Dogs are bigger but cats are smarter and more cunnng and their owners are willing to spend more money on us cats than all those doublewide owners and homeless people are willing to spend on dogs. Maybe if Dr Ogilvie reads this and if he has any clout in that place this could change.

So now we're just waiting. It's a Saturday and it seems like stuff takes longer on weekends. Most of the vets are probably off playing golf or killing puppies - both are pleasurable past-times. It's a long walk down the hall to the examination/surgery/torture dungeons and I have to admit it can be a little disquieting.

I notice that there is much less a sense of gloom outside. This gets me to thinking ...

That's right - I try and make a break for it!

I get past the first bench but then I'm snagged by this other vet tech. I've explained in an earlier post (in great detail) about how sneaky vet techs are. I think this one was spying on me given how easily she thwarted by escape attempt.

So after this little fracas, Michelle tries to console me. It might have worked had she had the sense to do it somewhere so that I couldn't see the great outdoors. It's hard not to get bitter about all this stuff!

So as can be seen by this photo they came out to haul me back to the backroom (as they call it).

They stick me on a cold table - like the kind they do autopsies on and start feeling up my throat. This vet in the red is from Slovinia which from the sound of her talk it's clear she's not from around here. Slovinia must be out past Moreno Valley - really far away. And Dr Ogilvie isn't my regular doctor. Dr Prouix is my regular doctor. He's a board certified specialist in oncology (cancer in other words). But they tell me that Dr Ogilvie is too. I prefer to see specialists as I'm a complex cat. I see that Dr O has published several books in the field. Well that's good. I want smart people around me to take care of my needs.

I'd like to point out that even though she is from a far away place, she still was very thoughtful in wearing red for my visit. As the Huskercat (GO BIG RED!), I appreciate the gesture. I've never seen her here before and I've been coming here a long time. They could use someone as considerate as her. I hope she sticks around! And that girl in blue can also stick around as far as I'm concerned. She obviously had a thing for me. I always like to encourage that kind of behavior!

So these photos show me getting probed and measured with their gizmos. I'm surprised that they let Maggie take these pictures of them in the act. Other than probing and poking me, they slapped me down on the table and needled me so they could get some blood. This happens every time I go there! The only thing I can figure out is that they are housing some kind of incompetent vampire who can't get blood on his own. Talk about embarrassing!

I don't quite get what all they're doing, but you have to admit that in this surveillance photo Dr O and Jenn Spela of Slovinia looks like they got caught doing something. Beats me but I've learned over the years that when Vets look like this you don't want to provoke them. Last thing I need is for them to decide that they're going to use me to juice up their secret vampire. Now that I'm home and can do a little research, I find out that Slovenia is well known for vampires! Holy cow - I was kidding a bit ago about the vampire business but now it seems clear that I'm right about this. Us cats have to go with our sixth sense on stuff like this.

HEALTH REPORT: So it turns out I'm doing great. I was assuming I was doing great since I'm looking so good. I got a refill on my human cancer drug which is actually made for human people. It's pretty powerful so when they looked at my blood cells and my platelet cluster count was good so we know that the drug isn't killing me! That's certainly good! They also gave me some more prednisolone. I have to take that every day. It's a steroid which probably accounts for my being able to kick the ass of any cat that comes in the yard even though I'm getting pretty old. I can also run dogs out of the yard, but you don't need steroids to do that. Dogs are wuses.


It's getting obvious that this vet in the red sweater is really into PDAs! Her displays of affection are getting pretty personal. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying that she's pretty good at it. She seems pretty smart and smells really nice so I bet she's not one of those vets that works with dogs. She's too pretty to let herself go to the dogs. HA!

Melissa - my sexy new friend!

It's been awhile since I've introduced another sexy new friend in my Tommy's Sexy New Friends series. It was hard to imagine that there would be anything good about a drought. Actually, I wouldn't spend time imagining a drought anyway since it's not in my job description, which to summarize, involves eating, sleeping, and getting petted (although not in any particular order). But, oh boy, did that drought end with Melissa stopping by!

I thought something was up when they had me locked out in the back yard when she arrived. I kept trying to get someone's attention at each back door and was getting ignored or forgetten about. Neither of which are forgivable, btw. She was there for quite awhile before someone noticed me and let me in. To which Melissa said Hey, I was wondering where Tommy was! That felt good. It's nice to know at least someone was interested in my company! I will be filing neglect charges against the owners next week. I hope they're paying attention! I hope they read this because I'm willing to negotiate on this, however, I will drive a hard bargain that will involve a lot of cans of Fancy Feast's Grilled Tuna Feast with Gravy and being fed more often than the gulag style 2-meals-a-day thing that passes for cat care around here. And it has to be the one with gravy. In case anyone involved is listening. If you get my drift.

It was all about showing me the luv with Melissa around! We could use more of that around here. We could use more of Melissa around here because at least then I wouldn't be forgotten out in the back yard! She's really smart too since you have to be smart to graduate from Cornell. That's an outstanding school because that's where my board certified cardiologist and my board certified oncologist each got their degrees. That makes me a first class cat! When I'm being squezzed my brain doesn't work like normal but I didn't hear anything about vet school. I don't think Melissa is planning on being a vet though because she didn't dress like my vets dress. At all. She would make a good vet though because she has a good bedside manner as can be seen in the photo above. Obviously there was no bed but I'm just sayin' that she had good cat communication and lovin' skills. She can visit anytime as far as I'm concerned. Not that anyone would care about what I think given how I was left out in the back yard all afternoon!!!