Sunday, July 8, 2012

Brianna - My latest sexy new friend!

Brianna drove all the way from Irvine to see me and she's my latest Sexy New Friend (SNF). She's a cat kind of person- she has a cat she calls Sapphire. That sounds like a girl name but Sapphire is actually a guy Siamese cat. Siamese cats are originally from Siam which is a really old country. In fact, it's so old it doesn't exist any more. I'm not sure how a country disappears but it's a good thing some Siamese cats escaped before that happened!! Although Sapphire is Siamese, he's all-American. Brianna isn't the kind of girl that's going to have some kind of import cat, taking housecat jobs from American cats.

Brianna came to get her picture taken in my world-class, gigantic water dish. I don't really need an 18,000 gallon water bowl but that's just how it is when you're in a luxury location like I am. My guy owner (who thinks he's a photographer) invited our buddy, Dave (a real photographer) over and they went crazy taking all kinds of pictures of my visitors. Here's some pictures of Brianna ...

photo by dave proctor, las vegas, a real photographer
photo by dave proctor, las vegas, a real photographer

I'm not a photographer but I have one. Who do you think takes all my blog photos!  I got better things to do. I mean when you sleep 18 hours a day, that doesn't leave much time to get things done!! ha!!  Here's the weird thing about these pictures.  Notice that when Brianna has her swimsuit on, she's not in the pool. BUT when she is wearing a dress, she's swimming around!!  There's all kinds of odd stuff that goes on around this place, but this is confusing.

After Brianna was done, she took another moment to play with me. She was wiggling her finger in front of me in such a way as to bring out my primitive predatory instincts which have proved fatal many times to birds and lizards. My backyard is basically a bird killing field. 

My predatory instinct is automatically going to try and nail a quick moving object. Whether it deserves death or not. Brianna didn't know how dangerous I can be.  I'm a predatory killing machine who is fully armed with two sets of front claws - these are my license to kill (so to speak).

Her cat doesn't even have front claws. So she made the mistake of making her finger look like a tasty morsel in a predatory training exercise.

This particular surveillance photo shows the exciting moment where my claw meets her pretty finger.

Here I can be seen relaxing having discharged my evolutionary destiny of nailing her finger. I nailed it pretty good too drawing blood.

Everyone seemed a little upset about this. Everyone needs a reminder that had that been a bird that I  had murdered, I would have recieved multitudinous accolades, compliments and probably a commendation or two. But because it was Brianna's finger, everyone was unhappy.

My owner made like he was some kind of super-emergency room surgeon and put a bandaid on her wounded digit. He needs to get a life!! Then he insisted on a photo of the medical procedure (seen to the left). He also insisted that Brianna hold up the bloodied tissues!!  Wow - talk about Mr Drama!

So now I got all this bad PR!!

For the record, she said it was "no big deal." She even showed off a scar on another finger from getting scratched by some cat last week! She shows no fear with those of us (i.e., cats) who are known as the "world's most efficient killing machine." (Seriously, we cats are called that! evidence here) No big deal she says, scars to prove it - hell, she's got more balls than the men around here.

Brianna isn't from Nebraska so she hadn't heard of the Huskercat before today. She did share that she learned how to husk corn on July 4th. That officially makes her a cornhusker! (note the lower-case "c") Brianna is my latest SNF and she loves me despite all the whining of the older adults who were aghast at her bloody accident. The other older adults around here need to get a little more realistic with their attitudes about cat behavior in order to stop this pussification of things around here. Brianna and me are chill - they need to chill out too!

1 comment:

Tara said...

This is hilarious! You are making my night go much better.