War on String May be Lost!

This is a horrible news report to start off the new year. This is why I don't listen to much news. It's just one bad thing after another. I'm going to go take another nap now.

Merry Christmas 2009! What Santa brought me!

Merry Christmas Huskercat Fans!

Hi everybody! It's Christmas and so here is the official Huskercat Christmas Tree. It's pretty snazy and decked out. About half the ornaments are official Husker ornaments (trademarked and everything). There's no snow because I'm in California where it doesn't snow. Christmas trees are for putting presents under.
So enough about trees! Do you want to know what Santa brought me? Feast your eyes on the Snow Princess! (see photo below) Ok, I'm just kidding. Santa didn't bring me Kira the Snow Princess - for starters that would be illegal! Kira visited a couple weeks ago for a couple days but then she disappeared. She's going to come by in a couple of months to see me again, but I am officially declaring her Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website (2009).

ANNOUCEMENT!!
Kira is Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website
She's pretty famous as can be seen by her very fancy Christmas dress. She looks so special she could be the Virgin Mary helping baby Jesus celebrate Christmas! For those who aren't as steeped in religious history as I am, Mary was the Mother of Jesus. She is always referred to as the Virgin Mary. Kira looks pure as the driven snow so she's probably a virgin too, but I'm getting off on a tangent as they say and it's not polite to think about these things. And certainly not polite to write about it in a public blog! Ok, ok, I got to focus here. So when one talks about the Virgin Mary - her and sex get kinda brought up anyway since as Jesus' mother she never had sex which is why she's referred to as a Virgin. So, moving on, that's what today is - Christmas - where we celebrate how a virgin gave birth to a baby. This is what I've been told anyway and I heard it on TV this week too (it was on the Discovery channel so I'm sure it's right). The more I think about this, the less it makes sense though. As I understand sex (and let me tell you, I do understand sex. They didn't invent the word caterwauling for nothing!) you can't be a virgin and have a baby. Ok, listen, I keep my blog family friendly so I think I need to stop all this sex talk. It's Jesus' birthday and that's all that counts since we know Christmas is all about getting presents and Jesus wants us to have all we can get! It's true - it's called prosperity religion so don't go and write me nasty letters about it. God wants me to get while the gettin' is good! So that's my Christmas message to my readers...

Go For The Gusto!!

I got things pretty good at this place. I get Grilled Fancy Feast twice a day and they let me go outside when I want. I get catnipped pretty often. I'm an aging cat so it's medical cat nip, of course (all quite legal in California!). So I don't like to complain about stuff, but I don't think Jesus would have approved of my Christmas present being a sock full of malted milk balls! (see forensic photo and some of the malted milk balls in the photo)


What kind of moron would give malted milk balls to a cat! Seriously, has anyone at all ever heard of getting malted milk balls for a cat??? At Christmas, no less!! I'm pretty sure I know who the moron is since my one owner (the pretty one) doesn't like them in the first place. Even Jesus would have thought I got screwed this Christmas! The owners must have sensed something was wrong because they got a bowl of Frisky's (hard food) and set it in front of me for my dining pleasure.


So to be honest, this wasn't that great of a Christmas for me. I didn't get enough presents like I deserved and I hope that other cats don't have to endure these kinds of hardships.

It's still a day of celebration though and we shouldn't forget that. It's a special day with my appointment of the new Miss Christmas of the Huskercat Website (2009)!

Tarra - one of my all time favorite sexxyist friends!

Yeah!! Tarra and Dave came to visit me before Christmas. She looks great in red which makes her pretty Huskery. A good match for Christmas too. While being so Huskery sort of takes the Christ out of Christmas it doesn't make much difference to me. As a Cat I still have 5 of my 9 lives left and I live in unrainy southern California so it's not like I have to worry about a lightening bolt from God! HA! Not that I'm here to offend God or anything. If any cat is going to heaven it will be me! That's for sure. And if I end up in Heaven, I'll sure miss my owners!!

This heaven thing though makes me wonder sometimes. Logically it seems like cats would end up in heaven because it's rather obvious all dogs will be going to hell. Surely an all-wise supernatural deity would have commonsense enough not to put cats and dogs together in the afterlife!! Plus, it's rather obvious God screwed up with making dogs in the first place. That was lame.

The problem is that theologians seem to agree that cats won't go to heaven. They point out that man was created superior to animals and that animals can’t be equal with him or some such bullshit. Maybe these theologians with their fancy PhDs need to read the Holy Book a little closer.

Here's where they get this idea: Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground" (Gen 1:26). Obviously cats are not fish, birds or livestock! We're also not "creatures" since that refers to monsters, Big Foot, dead dinosaurs, dragons and aliens from outer space. Plus, cats certainly have the ol' "breath of life" so I think God is looking out for us. Otherwise, why would we have 9 lives! This just makes sense.

I kinda got off the track here. Probably because of all this Christ in Christmas business. My owners don't seem to spend any time worshipping or going to Church so I'm assuming they're not big into that kind of stuff. For me ... I believe in God. Usually anyway. It makes sense if I don't think about it too much. And why chance it??? If I believe in God and end up in Heaven, yeah for me! If you don't believe in God and there is a Heaven, I think it's safe to say you're screwed!! Anyway - that's the Christmas message as I understand it.

Anyways, Merry Christmas everybody!!

NEWS FLASH - Kira comes to live here!!

Hey, Kira came all the way down from Oregon to see me. In fact, she decided to move in!! That's what I thought at first. She had a big suitcase and some other stuff. She kept her suitcase closed so I couldn't get into it, but let's not start this post off in a negative light. I'm not that kind of cat!

It's a big deal to come here since Oregon is so far away. Fun fact: Kira has the only cat in Oregon. That's weird if you think about it. I heard her talking about her cat and that's the only cat in Oregon I've ever heard of. I'm not sure why cats are so unwelcome in Oregon. Maybe it's because it rains lots in Oregon and lets face it, cats don't like to get rained on.
Speaking of disappointments, it turns out that she didn't move in. She was just staying a couple days. I thought this would be a bonanza for me seeing as how she seems much more attentive than the current inhabitants of this hovel.

When she got here she was dressed all normal. But (and I'm not sure exactly how this happened) a little later in the day she turned into some kind of Christmas Princess.

I'm not completely sure about this Christmas Princess thing cause I'm making several inferences in arriving at this conclusion. Not that this is a crime or anything. I would offer as evidence these first two photos that caught her in the act of showing me some love. Which isn't a crime either. Notice her stylish and very fashionable pink dress. It's has ermine trim. Ermines are little white weasels that rich people kill and use for trim on their fancy clothes. It's very expensive fur which is kind of funny when you think it's just a white weasel! But Kira doesn't just have ermine trim. Apparently she authorized the mass murder of a bunch of ermines for her hat. I don't mean to make it sound like there's anything wrong with mass murdering. They're just weasels. I doubt that even deranged PeTA people would give a damn about killing off weasels. Weasels are like one step above rats in the evolutionary tree and all they have to offer society is their little fur coats.
But I'm getting off the topic. If you notice in this third photo of an actual Russian Princess, it shows that Kira's hat is much like the Princess's. Royalty would have hats like this - it said so in google. They would also have dogs (as shown here) probably because royalty inbreed amongst themselves and end up over the generations a little retarded in the brain. With Kira you get beauty + brains!

Kira was expecting to be nice and warm here in southern California. Sadly, it was cloudy, cold and windy instead. She froze her behind off! You can see this in this parking tower surveillance photo that I was able to obtain. People kept telling her that she must have brought the bad weather from Oregon. That's just dumb. People can't "bring the weather" with them!

Obviously I don't hang out in parking towers so I wasn't able to help but if you notice Kira warmed right up when she got back and spent some time with me. Sadly she was leaving and this was the last squeeze for me if you know what I mean. That's too bad because I'd rather have her than a bowl of heavy cream! But she is going to visit again in a couple months. Bottom line is that I'm a bit of a chick magnet around here!

Snap a Rat!!!

We've been having rat problems on the home front for a couple weeks! Turns out the city tore out a bunch of ground cover in the middle of the street not but one house away and, all the local houses were recipients of the rats who previously were plenty happy there. This has been loads of fun! Nothing like a good rat chase to keep one young! Anything that will help me stay young is good since I'm 18 years, 2 months old. But who's counting!

The owner got one of these big traps for the garage. They think they pretty much got the house sealed up but there still a few sneaking in somehow. Or maybe they can't get out. I don't care as long as we get them appropriately murdered. In a fun irony we put cat food in the traps. The rat sniffs his way (or her, I'm an equal opportunity rat slayer) over to the trap and as soon as they put their little sniveling rat nose onto the food - SNAP!!! The big serrated jaws of death hammer their head instantly sending them to Rat Hell where they will burn for eternity or be eaten alive by Satan's cats.

Before the owner got out here to see the recently demised rat cadaver I was able to lay out the crime scene. I've done this a million times as an experienced RSI (Rat Scene Investigator), thus the obvious professionalism you see in the crime scene photos. Just doin' my job.Exhibit A3 (above the expired rat) shows a piece of the cat food. It's Friskies hard food that leads the rat to his demise. Another lovely irony is that the food pieces are heart shaped. I like to think that I kill with love. I'm all about love especially seeing as how I love murdering rats! As can be seen in this photo, I'm a paws-on type of cat. Here I am smelling the sweet smell of rat termination.

I don't mean to be crass but this is kind of funny. The trap slammed down on the rat sooo hard that the just expired rat blew blood out its ass! That's why I said it was crass. Get it? HA!! I'm glad his little rat family didn't see this! How embarr-ass-ing would it be to see a rat family member who had a little explosive bleeding upon his p-ass-ing? That's a rhetorical question really - obviously it would be embarr-ass-ing. Damn, I'm having too much fun with this!! No doubt about it, dead rats are damn funny.

Anyways, suffice it to say that the deceased rodent is no more, he's gone to meet his maker, and that's just how we like them here. What you see here is a traditional kind of rat killing machine, but my one owner is rather perverse about rat murdering. He's willing to spend the big $$ for latest technology in rat extinction science.

He got four RatZappers (trademarked name) for the attic. They are little metal tube things (see photo) that you put food in the end and the rat sneaks into the tube and when he puts a thieving paw by the food he triggers an electrical shock (a zap if you will, specifically a rat zap!) which fries his brain and stops his heart dead basically snuffing the consciousness out of his future. It's pretty fun to watch! If rats had a brain they would know that I deploy only the latest in innovative, breakthrough rat murdering technology at our facility! The units even have a remote monitoring device so the murderer doesn't have to take time out of his day to check the traps. These things are so efficient they have to be German technology!

The RatZapper company says their annihilation units are 100% humane with "no blood, no gore, no mess." That's too bad - apparently the company doesn't appreciate the deep emotional satisfaction of inflicting pain and torture resulting in blood, gore, and, yes, a mess! Nothing wrong with a little rat mayhem! I'd be happy to consult with them in developing a ratzapper that was only 20% humane. This unit would come highly recommended in the cat community. I have time to do this since, due to the economy, my hours have been cut back on my Huskercat promotional responsibilities and Fancy Feast hasn't come through with a contract yet. I hope I'm not sending letters to the wrong address ....

So, anyways, all I have to say to rats, to paraphrase former President Bush, is BRING 'EM ON!

Scoring drugs and the payoff!

This is a story about drugs and money. My owners had been plenty neglectful and hadn't renewed my Rx for prednisolone. I do 5mg/day. It's a steroid and I'm supposed to take it every day. I can be a monster on that juice! My owner went to the Canyon Crest Animal Hospital which is where I'm seen for usual problems. When I need an oncology specialist Vet naturally I go to the California Veterinary Specialists (CVS). But I'm on drugs because I have cancer so EXCUSE ME if I don't want my humans farting around with this!! So anyways, the Animal Hospital, which is close to home, seems to be all decked out for Christmas. Let's bear in mind that it's the day before Thanksgiving so apparently the Animal Hospital is trying to cash in on the crass commercialism of Christmas rather than respecting it as a traditional religious holiday. Not that I give a damn one way or another, actually.

To get back to the story, my owner wanted to score the steroids at the local place but it's the CVS docs that prescribe it. Apparently is some kind of federal crime (!!) to have one place dish out the drugs unless there is some kind of coordination of medical care. This is all getting pretty complicated given what I hear you can score at the middle school a few blocks away. I'm sending my owner out to score the drugs. It's hard to imagine this is a crime. It's not like Rush Limbaugh did time for having his maid do the same thing! We're both celebrities! Just give us the damn drugs!!

Thanks god for Jennifer (on the left) who is the vet tech who visits me when my owners take off. As a trained specialist, she is able to give me the drugs I need every day as well as serve me dinner (always Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna with Gravy). She works at the animal hospital and she fast talked her way to getting what I needed since they have them right there in the hospital. So my owner scores the dope and hightails it home so I can get back on the juice. This all happened because my owner finally paid her professional fees to looking after me a couple weeks ago. They need to stay on top of this a little better.

The only question I have now is who the hell is that guy in the picture?? His name is Ryan but I've never seen him. He doesn't care for my needs. The only thing I can think of is that he wanted to hop onto Jennifer's claim to fame as a regular on my blog. But I don't know Ryan from Adam. Actually, I don't even know an Adam. I'm not sure why I said that. But if he pulls that stunt again I'll bill him for my promotional services!

Asthma, sneezing, and a wart or something

So here I am. Hauled off to the vet again! I had to see my board certified oncologist for some reason and that reason was that I've been coughing and sneezing a bit. Can you imagine what this world would be like if they hauled every human to the vet when they coughed or sneezed!! Yeah? Well neither can I! So, yes, this is me waiting for the medical staff sitting in my the PPU (portable prison unit supplied by the secret police! You'ld think I was on trial for selling the secret recipe for Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy!)

I'm always annoyed when they drag me to these places. But out comes the cheerful medical staff to try and get me in a good mood. I know better though. They just sneaky. No matter how cheerful they are, I'm always hauled into the back room for some pretty rough treatment!
Although I have to say this staff person is pretty easy on the eyes! And I don't need hate mail from the radical feminists either! I call'em as I see them! Anyways, her name is Liz. She's a little new here and lives in Oceanside which from the sound of it is probably by the ocean. She interrogates my owner (in a very pleasant way) about my "problems." He says I'm coughing and sneezing and he thinks I've lost weight and there a little thing on my neck. Jesus! I didn't know I was so messed up until Mr Doom started laying it all out!

If you're a reader of my blog (and apparently you are!) you probably know that the first thing they do when they drag you into the backroom is see how much you weigh. You'ld think they were going to sell cat by the pound out the back door or something! HA!! Ok, anyways, it appears that I've lost 8/10's of a pound since May which if you do the math (which I don't personally do) it means I've lost almost a pound. That's a bit if you now weight 10.22 pounds like me now. I'm not sure what that last "2" in 10.22 means. I bet it's less than what an upchucked furball weighs! This weight loss is probably bad news ...
Next, Brooke, another one of the medical types since she has a listening thing around her neck, seems obsessed with time. She's timing my heart I guess. She kept holding me tight - I guess she couldn't get enough of me!

I was hauled in here as a patient, but Brooke promoted me to Doctor! I assumed that's what the ritual of draping the heart listening device around my neck meant. And I assumed wrong. Apparently they were having a little fun at my expense but we were all having fun. And with these guys that just makes you suspicious!

So far nobody has shoved a needle into me so I'm not going to complain just yet!Finally the head guy gets to see me. He's my board certified oncologist. Most cats don't have board certified medical staff. But not all cats are VIP cats either - I'm not to blame for that. I'm not even sure what that certified stuff means but my owner thinks it's a big deal.
Dr Prouix was doing a major check up on me when this wise-cracker started goofing off! Probably the janitor or something! Turns out he's another one of those board certified vets (Dr Trostel), although let's be honest he wasn't acting like it! From the looks of it, Dr Prouix thought he was acting pretty silly. Dr Prouix is a real professional.

So what's up with my medical self - well, it would appear that it was kind of complicated. I know it's complicated because Dr Prouix always draws pictures since my owner doesn't seem to catch on very fast.
I had my web guy highlight the important things. I'm pretty sure I got it all right. It's not like I have a DR in Vet Science. It's a custom hand drawn picture of me. It doesn't look like me because Dr Prouix isn't exactly an artist and he was drawing my insides. It feels like I have more in me than what he drew, but he's the doctor. He gets paid for knowing this stuff.

So what's the bottom line? What's this cryptic diagram really mean? Well, if I had paid better attention I might have more to say but here's what I remember. The coughing is probably a little asthma. You can see in the diagram that my bronchial tubes get enlarged and that will cause problems with enough air getting into my lungs. That must not be too bad because Dr Prouix didn't give me any drugs for it. He said my steroids would help with it. I like the steroids - nothing like having a little JUICE in my system for chasing and murdering all the new mice that the bird feeder is attracting. The sneezing is no big deal. I'm not sure what the other internal parts of me do. Neither of these are symptoms of any cancer problem which is in remission so it's not a problem anyway. I guess. Dr Prouix said he wasn't worried about my weight loss yet, but that my owners should mix my food up a bit and serve me some even more elegant and expensive treats. Ok, I'm paraphrasing what he said a little, but it wouldn't be the first time a trip here resulted in me getting more of the good food - Fancy Feast Grilled Tuna in Gravy. I think they'll need to get me more of a variety. As long as it's the grilled stuff in gravy, that's good. Maybe they should start getting me those Pounces again! Oh - and that little bump on my neck. Dr Prouix said he thought it was a wart. THAT was a little embarrassing! Warts are disgusting. At least mine is covered by fur so it's not a cosmetic problem like with humans so as long as I'm looking good, it's not big deal!

After all this my head was kind of spinning. How the photographer guy actually got a picture of my head spinning is beyond me, but that's how it feels after all this diagnosing stuff. It's not exactly unpleasant. Maybe it's the drugs they got me on. Better living through chemistry, I always say. Actually, my owner is the one who always says that. I think he has problems.

Hey - look! The camera got a picture of the medical bill on top of the PPU. One thing these big medical bills prove is just how important I am! As far as I'm concerned the bigger, the better!! (I bet my vets are with me on that!!)

On the way home I was pretty pooed out. It wasn't a bad visit. They didn't "put me under" and they didn't reinforce their vampiric tendencies by removing some of my blood like they usually do. They got somebody new who seems to really like me. And to top if off, Maggie stopped in to say hi and show some love! She's usually my medical technician but for some reason she didn't get assigned to my case today. I hope for her sake they didn't have her doing dog duty. THAT would suck. But she had a few good medical tips for my owner. I think she understands that he needs all the help he can get.

You can see from this surveillance photo from the car what I did on the way home - nap time! And if you're wondering why my owners car has a surveillance camera in it so am I! I'm outta here!