Monday, December 24, 2012

Obey the banana? yeah ... right! :D

My friends, Dave and Tarra, visited me.  They drove all the way from Las Vegas which is in Nevada which is next to California. That makes it another state. I was going to say my friends, Dave, Terra and Bruce, but Bruce isn't a friend and it seems that Dave can't go anywhere without Bruce. 

So what's the problem. Well, Bruce, aka Bruce Chillis, is a banana. That's right he's a fruit (... snicker ..).  Bruce, the banana, visited in July and he tried to ingratiate himself with me. He kept sneaking up on me and obviously trying to get his photo taken with me due to my celebrity status as the Huskercat. See Exhibits A and B for proof of my claim!

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

I was sleeping when Bruce Chillis snuck up on me for a celebrity photo. People usually ask for a photo with me and I'm happy to oblige.  I know how happy I'd be to have my picture taken with me.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

I got Mise en abymed with Kira!!

We'll get to what Mise en abymed means later.
Kira is my friend from Portland, Oregon. She came down to see me again. Or so I was told. It's a little hard to believe when she and my owner (not the cute one) packed up a bunch of equipment and headed out to the desert! Joshua Tree Desert and some place called Yucca Valley. I was going to say some god-forsaken place like Yucca Valley, but then I don't really know what God likes. Other than it's obvious he likes cats. You don't get 9 lives and not have God on your side! That's just simple math!
The lovely town of Yucca Valley. (more like yuk-ka valley!)
My owner thinks he's pretty smart. It's a claim with precious little evidence, if you ask me! I was hoping for a picture of me with Kira that would show a little imagination. Just a little, tiny bit of creativity. Something with a little mise en abymed would be cool. Ok, I didn't actually know what mise en abymed meant until I tried to explain what I wanted.  I wanted me to be in my picture lots of time. The French have a pretty snazy way of say a little recursion where I get repeated again and again in self-similar ways. You see this kind of stuff in art and things. No reason why that can't be me recursing around in a photo!
Here's what I'm talking about! You can see that this lady keeps showing up in her picture. It's weird; it's art
Kira (left) and Liam showing some mise en abymed.
Here's what they came up with. It's better than the stuff he usually does. That's me and Kira and then on the TV you can see Kira (and I am not very visible because I'm laying down in front of her). I was hoping for infinite recursion, but this is a start. My owner is usually pretty successful, although that has a lot to do with my low expectations.  

So anyways, as you probably know, in literary criticism, "mise en abyme" is a type of frame story, where the core narrative illuminates some aspect of the story. These French words are used in the deconstruction of narrative, by people with lots of time on their hands, and is a paradigm of the intertextual nature of language. That's all fancy talk and a long way of saying that language can't quite describe reality. I say all this as a way of explaining how I can't find the words to describe the reality of how awesome it is to see a Husker fan in a real, authentic, Husker jersey making it look so cool in the middle of the desert standing in front of a giant rock! 

Well ... that's all for now! I hope I didn't make your brain hurt!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Bruins are Godless Killing Machines!

Oh boy, wow. Yuk!! UCLA hasn't beat the Huskers since 1988! We can't say that anymore! UCLA hasn't upset Nebraska since 1972 when Nebraska was ranked #1. I'm pretty sure about that 1972 thing but I don't have time for a lot of fact checking. Bad tackles, interceptions, poor half-time recovery were just part of the problem. UCLA football has a reputation of being "soft" and their schedule was seen as a "cakewalk." This reputation may not be fully deserved ...
Yay for us after our first score!!

Here I am. Looking adorable but increasingly depressed watching this abortion of a football game. Note the Husker Red blanket for my basket. I am fully committed to Husker Red!
Fox can hardly be considered "fair and balanced" when they use such BIG numbers in a transparent attempt to rub some Husker noses in Bruin poo. This is anti-American which I guess shouldn't be a surprise since Fox is owned by some rich dictatorial tycoon guy from Australia, which logically demonstrates that Fox is literally un-American. I'm not even sure Australia is a real country since it's a little third world island. That place has over 1500 kinds of spiders! They have over 6000 kinds of flies for God's sake!! And get this ... Australia is famous for their bears. Especially koala bears that scientists refer to as arboreal marstupials. Scientists have proven that bears are evil and stupid - a very dangerous combination. This is no coincidence as will be detailed below. Australia is a dump and that's why Fox Sports was trying to embarrass the Cornhuskers!
The UCLA Bruins outplayed us today. They may have cut a deal with the devil to keep our passing so inconsistent and having our players missing their tackles like they did. What evidence do I have for this??  Just look at their name - BRUINS. Do you know what Bruins really are? BEARS!!! Bears are godless killing machines without souls and are Satan's minions and the true symbol of evil.  Bruins run around the woods using it as their personal latrine and hide behind their "endangered" status. This is all true - I found it on respectable web sites that are on the internets and is a view made famous by Dr Colbert, DFA, who is a scientific authority on bears.

Government warning sign that can be found in all of America's national parks.
These are strong charges but I stand behind them. These are clear evidence-based conclusions and I hope that the Huskers can get some of Satan's minions on the offensive and defensive line sooner than later! By next Saturday would be nice since we'll be tangling with the Red Wolves of Arkansas State. Given what happened today with the Bruins, I wouldn't be surprised if the Red Wolves are actually werewolves!! You heard it here first!!
Bears have no respect - not even for Jesus!!

Friday, August 31, 2012

Liam, the Huskercat, makes special appearance at the Pink Leopard

Well today was a little different!  On the way back from seeing the Vet for my annual shots to protect me against diseases, my owner stopped off at a local eatery called the Pink Leopard. He had to take me in because it's against the law here in California to leave an animal or a child in a hot car.  California has laws for everything! It's nice to know I have legal rights!

A little to my surprise, I was very popular in this establishment. You'ld think people had never seen a puss before! This place was very fancy. Here I am with the head Leopard Girl. All the girls who worked there wore these really fashionable leopard paw-print dresses. Technically I'm not sure if it's a dress or not. It's not any bigger than a shirt. They said I was a chick magnet. I had the impression that was a good thing. I got my picture taken with lots of the girls.
Photo by noted celebrity photographer, Dave Proctor
After all the girls were getting their picture taken with me, this big fellow visited us and said we had to leave since cats weren't allowed in the establishment. He seemed really rude and should take a seminar on how to treat customers if you ask me! My owner said that can't be right - a place named after a cat legally has to allow cats inside. This seemed to confuse him for a second, but then he laughed and asked if I was 21. At that point the conversation got kind of weird. This guy didn't seem to like me and the discussion got a little hard to follow, but my fans should know what happened.  I'll just reproduce the discussion between my owner and Mr. Bouncer (talk about a goofball name!). 

Mr Bouncer:  Is that cat of yours 21? You have to be 21 to come in here.

My Owner: He's older than 21.

Mr Bouncer:  That's bullshit. What year was it born?  (Liam comment: referring to a cat as "it" is just racist!)

My Owner: Liam was born in 2008 ... in August. 

Mr Bouncer:  You're not very good at math are you? That makes the cat 4 years old, not 21. And what kind of name is "Liam"?  That's just gay.  (Liam comment: wow - this guy is racist AND a bigot!)

My Owner: Sorry, dude, but he's a cat so 4 years and 1 month, using the algebraic cat age conversion formula his age translates into 33 years old. 

Mr Bouncer:  I can't believe I'm having this stupid conversation!! Listen, your fur ball has to show a photo ID with his age or I'm tossing both of you out of here. 

My Owner: You're kidding, right??  Show an ID for a cat!!

Mr Bouncer:  Right. Show it and you guys stay. No photo ID for the cat and you're both out. It's as simple as that Mr Smart-ass!

(so now something really funny happened! My owner pulls out my HomeAgain photo ID which has my picture on it and my age! I also have a microchip in me which is why I'm often referred to as a high-tech cat.)

My owner proferred my ID - all the girls started laughing like crazy! I'll cease the paraphrasing re-creation now. Mr Bouncer got really steamed and the head Leopard Girl came over and told him we could stay as long as my owner kept ordering pitchers. The food never showed up which is odd for a restaurant. But like I said this is a very fancy place and even had some very acrobatic dancers on-stage! Very classy place! I heartily recommend it.  Just ask for the head Leopard Girl and tell her that Liam sent you. 

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Katya - Sexy New Friend & Pugnacious Dog Pugilizer

This Saturday was some kind of Huskercat record!  One day --->  3 sexy new friends. 

Exactly how does this happen?  It's not exactly clear. All three SNFs are wearing really cute Nebraska Husker shirts.  They are all three holding a "I Love Liam" (that would be me!) signs. All of them look really sad that I'm not there (completely understandable). The only thing I can figure out is that there was some kind of Huskercat conference and NOBODY TOLD ME!!  My owner, who was in attendance (but not wearing a cute shirt) apparently forgot to take me!! That means I didn't get to actually meet my SNFs. :(  I'll post a separate entry for each of my new Huskercat fans! They deserve that.

In an attempt to put this debacle behind me, let me introduce Katya. She looks really sad without me. You can see it on her face. I do appreciate her thoughtfulness in making a sign so that there could be actual proof that I was missed. She's clearly not to blame. I'm hanging this on my owner who forgot to take me. What a dimwit!!

There may be an alternative explanation though. This forensic photo (shown below) captures the moment when two gigantic dogs attacked Katya. This seemed to be in retaliation for her showing the Missing Liam sign. Maybe my owner knew they would be crashing the party and didn't take me for my own safety!
Two horrible dogs attacking Katya!!
Note how these two predatory, vicious, disgusting, smelly dogs attack Katya without a moments notice.  Two dogs - one girl. That's what they call "fair" in Dogland!! They both seem to be off their leashes. Looks like the dogs aren't so retarded that they can't outsmart their owner and escape. It looks like Katya is going to be a victim of these two heinous canines.

But check out this!!! Katya punches the big dog right in the kisser. BAM!! BAM!! Katya is a college student and it looks like she is majoring in ancient Chinese martial arts! Lookz at how she slobber-knocks the jowls off of that fucking dog. It seems obvious that she is practicing Nanquan which focuses on the use of arm and body techniques. Katya is half Chinese and has learned these ancient Chinese forms of defending herself against rabid dogs.

This picture of her ka-powing this dog right in the kisser is my all-time favorite dog abuse photo. Or maybe she's a member of a secret PeTA kill squad ... Hey, google it, they exist. 

Katya is harnessing all of her qi energy and putting the moves on this beast moments after knocking his teeth loose with her left upper-cut. I'm pretty sure this photo was taken moments before she snapped his neck and killed him. Attacking Katya certainly should get the death penalty. And look at how Katya is smiling. She's thrilled to have another dog kill under her belt. I mean that figuratively unless the blue denim thing she's wearing is a belt. But I have a feeling it's actually a really short skirt. Oh, well ... I digress. Maybe it's a good thing I didn't go to this Huskercat conference. It must have been in a bad neighborhood with those dogs running around like this. On the other hand, I would have had Katya looking after me. I could have clawed the shit out of one and she could beat the other one senseless. We'd make a good team!!

Tabitha - my sexy new friend with RED hair!

Tabitha is part of this Huskercat record of 3 sexy new friends in one day! 

Here she is holding a "I Love Liam" (that would be me!) sign. She looks so sad in the first picture because I wasn't able to be there so she could have her picture taken with me. :(  Tabitha is a very special Huskergirl!  Why?  Hey, check out her red hair!  That is dedication!! It gives new meaning to "Go Big Red!!" 

I hope Tabitha wasn't too disappointed that she didn't get to be in a picture with me. Maybe she can visit some day and we can make that happen. How come I didn't get to go to this Huskery meeting is a mystery to me. Heads are going to roll when I find out who left me behind on this day!

Exhibit #1: Evidence of sexiness!
Is she adorable or what!!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

chillin' with Dave!

Dave's my buddy from Vegas and comes to see me a couple times a year. That's a 3 1/2 hour drive that he often does in a little under 3 hours. So somethings fishy with that.

He's a photographer in Vegas and always shoots me when he comes. It makes sense he would want to take pictures of me since he shoots people like Paris Hilton (she owns a hotel or something and is from France), Taylor Swift (a singer my owner likes) and Kimberly Kardashian (I have no idea who that is). He's done portraits of Jennifer Lopez (a hot singer), President Bush, and Karl Rove (I think I've heard that this Rove guy is some kind of evil criminal of some kind or a distant cousin to Satan, The Lord of Darkness). I don't really know who these people are, but I mention it because since he takes pictures of celebrities and big shots, that explains (by the process of analogy) why he would drive all the way here to take pictures of me. I'm using simple deductive logic here which I might add is highly recommended by Aristotle who lives in Greece and was used by Sherlock Holmes who was the most famous detective ever. Roger Bacon in the 13th century tried to push something call inductive logic which is vastly inferior to deductive logic. Although Roger was something of a failure as a philosopher/logician, he is best known for discovering a tasty meat treat that goes well with breakfast.  

Somehow Dave is able to put me in a trance. He does this every time he visits! He appears to be showing off in this photo. I think he gets lessons from one of those Vegas magicians. My owner tells stories of growing up on the farm where he could put chickens in a trance by putting their heads under their wing. Chickens just go right to sleep when you do that. The fun part comes when you then toss them in the air. That scares the shit out of a chicken!!! That's too damn funny!  Birds are stupid. Although my owner grew up on a farm, he was not "born in a barn" as I've heard many people ask him.

I'll post some super photos Dave took of me soon. I wish he'd give my owner a lesson or two. One thing my owner has proven is that having lots of cameras doens't make you a good photographer!

I hope Dave comes back soon. My quality of life goes up when he's around!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I am ze locksmith of love, no?

My feeders have a friend who lives in Paris. Not Paris, California, which is kind of a dump, but Paris, France, which is a country outside of America. Paris, France is known as a pretty snazzy place. The guy who feeds me has been to Paris and stayed at the Hotel California. There's something kind of funny about that. The owner of a pub close to there arranged for a satellite feed so he could watch the Nebraska-Texas Division Championship game. Now that's service!!
Mr le Pew (right); unidentified object of his passion (left)

Whenever I hear about Paris, one of the most famous Parisian's comes to mind - Pepe le Pew. Actually I don't know of any other Parisians. I'm sure there's lots of them.

Terry, who is the friend of my feeders, has a cat of her own.  She is called Harriet, which seems like a mistake for a cat, to be honest.  Terry sent a couple photos of Harriet which I am duly sharing with my readers.

Harriet: tolerating her photographer

Harriet is a Torty which is a cat breed well known in Paris. I wonder if Harriet has had any run-ins with Pepe le Pew?  He gets around and really has a feline sexual orientation. One should be accepting of different sexual orientations. I'm afraid an awkward question emerges, however. Mr le Pew is a skunk which is a different species than a cat. That's just the science of it. But is that kind of love something that should be encouraged?  I don't think humans would find it acceptable if a guy nailed a goat! Unless the guy was a lonely goat herder. There are always exceptions.

One bored cat!
Well ... if Harriet has had any romantic encounters with Pepe, I hope it was a good experience. We have a skunk that comes into the backyard every now and then. Just to be clear, I've never thought of having sex with it!!

Welcome to Harriet!  If Harriet has a web page I hope she lets me know so we can link up and boost our google ratings!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Brianna - My latest sexy new friend!

Brianna drove all the way from Irvine to see me and she's my latest Sexy New Friend (SNF). She's a cat kind of person- she has a cat she calls Sapphire. That sounds like a girl name but Sapphire is actually a guy Siamese cat. Siamese cats are originally from Siam which is a really old country. In fact, it's so old it doesn't exist any more. I'm not sure how a country disappears but it's a good thing some Siamese cats escaped before that happened!! Although Sapphire is Siamese, he's all-American. Brianna isn't the kind of girl that's going to have some kind of import cat, taking housecat jobs from American cats.

Brianna came to get her picture taken in my world-class, gigantic water dish. I don't really need an 18,000 gallon water bowl but that's just how it is when you're in a luxury location like I am. My guy owner (who thinks he's a photographer) invited our buddy, Dave (a real photographer) over and they went crazy taking all kinds of pictures of my visitors. Here's some pictures of Brianna ...

photo by dave proctor, las vegas, a real photographer
photo by dave proctor, las vegas, a real photographer

I'm not a photographer but I have one. Who do you think takes all my blog photos!  I got better things to do. I mean when you sleep 18 hours a day, that doesn't leave much time to get things done!! ha!!  Here's the weird thing about these pictures.  Notice that when Brianna has her swimsuit on, she's not in the pool. BUT when she is wearing a dress, she's swimming around!!  There's all kinds of odd stuff that goes on around this place, but this is confusing.

After Brianna was done, she took another moment to play with me. She was wiggling her finger in front of me in such a way as to bring out my primitive predatory instincts which have proved fatal many times to birds and lizards. My backyard is basically a bird killing field. 

My predatory instinct is automatically going to try and nail a quick moving object. Whether it deserves death or not. Brianna didn't know how dangerous I can be.  I'm a predatory killing machine who is fully armed with two sets of front claws - these are my license to kill (so to speak).

Her cat doesn't even have front claws. So she made the mistake of making her finger look like a tasty morsel in a predatory training exercise.

This particular surveillance photo shows the exciting moment where my claw meets her pretty finger.

Here I can be seen relaxing having discharged my evolutionary destiny of nailing her finger. I nailed it pretty good too drawing blood.

Everyone seemed a little upset about this. Everyone needs a reminder that had that been a bird that I  had murdered, I would have recieved multitudinous accolades, compliments and probably a commendation or two. But because it was Brianna's finger, everyone was unhappy.

My owner made like he was some kind of super-emergency room surgeon and put a bandaid on her wounded digit. He needs to get a life!! Then he insisted on a photo of the medical procedure (seen to the left). He also insisted that Brianna hold up the bloodied tissues!!  Wow - talk about Mr Drama!

So now I got all this bad PR!!

For the record, she said it was "no big deal." She even showed off a scar on another finger from getting scratched by some cat last week! She shows no fear with those of us (i.e., cats) who are known as the "world's most efficient killing machine." (Seriously, we cats are called that! evidence here) No big deal she says, scars to prove it - hell, she's got more balls than the men around here.

Brianna isn't from Nebraska so she hadn't heard of the Huskercat before today. She did share that she learned how to husk corn on July 4th. That officially makes her a cornhusker! (note the lower-case "c") Brianna is my latest SNF and she loves me despite all the whining of the older adults who were aghast at her bloody accident. The other older adults around here need to get a little more realistic with their attitudes about cat behavior in order to stop this pussification of things around here. Brianna and me are chill - they need to chill out too!

Jessica from Redlands - My Latest Sexy New Friend

This is Jessica and she came all the way from Redlands to see me! I think it's clear from this photo that she easily qualifies as one of my Sexy New Friends.  Naturally I'm happy to have another friend, especially one with SNF status, but she came when I had tons of things to do. I run a pretty tight schedule with all my Huskercat things I am responsible for. I hope she'll come back to visit so I can absorb all the attention she wants to throw my way!

She's from Redlands which is supposed to be a cozy, pretty little town. My web guy took a look at the city web site and found some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the city has dog obedience classes for the damn stupid dogs that have infested the city. I'm happy that where I'm at where I don't have to worry about unruly, undisciplined mongrel dogs. In Riverside, unruly dogs are shot on sight. That's why it's known as a "dog-gone good city!" HA!

She seems to be a pretty happening girl. We could use more visits from her to pick things up around this place.
The bad news about Redlands is a little surprising - there appear to be a lot of drunks there! Probably driven to drink by all the unmotivated, slobbering dogs. We need to be reminded that alcoholism is a disease and usually caused by having a dog. It's also not a coincidence that a practice of alcoholics to reduce hangovers is called "hair of the dog." It's disgusting.

A banana called Bruce Chillis - WTF????

Who the hell is Bruce Chillis?, you might be wondering. Yeah, exactly. Who the hell IS Bruce Chillis?  I certainly had never heard of him. Or it. Bruce turns out to be a traveling banana! He even has his own web site like me except that hardly puts him at the same level as me.

I was asleep and therefore not responsible for what was happening here.

Here's some surveillance photos showing how Bruce, the Banana, intruded into my personal space on Sunday.  I tried to be patient, but this banana is all about himself - me, me, me! He also smells funny. Kind of like a dog fart. :D

Ol' Bruce should be happy that I don't like bananas. Otherwise I would have peeled him naked and ate him! Bananas are funny. No fruit has more stupid jokes than the banana.

Here's one!

Q: What is yellow on the inside and green on the outside? 
A: A banana dressed up as a cucumber!

I told you!

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Getting terra firmaed!

Tarra: feelin' me up!

Not a whole lot of explanation needed here!

I'm getting felt up by one of the Huskergirls who was visiting from Vegas!

It doesn't get any better than this!!

How cool is my life!!!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Finding the right blanket!

I'm an expert at finding the right snuggle space.  Now if only that guy would get that camera outta my face!

Owning the blanket!

Saturday, May 19, 2012

To bee or knot to bee

Nothing as classy as starting off today's blog with some Shakespeare.

Ok, enough literary stuff. We had a BIG problem here at Chez Liam this morning. Unwanted guests - for the last week. The police sketch artist drew up a picture of the perps from my description. The forensic sketch can be seen below and perfectly illustrates the problem.

Official Riverside County Sheriff's Department Sketch
There were about a bazillion bees and they had built little homes inside the base of the olive tree. They're called bee hives and one can be seen in the forensic photo below:
   Bee hive with probably some honey it it. The photographer isn't very good. The hive is that splotchy white thingy in the middle.    
As can bee seen in the above photo, my owners hired an official bee killer who does his job in some kind of hazmat suit. Hired bee assassins like this guy are ruthless. There were thousands of bees in the tree and he used neuro-toxin sprays and chemical death gases to execute the bees, the queen, all the drones and the baby bees.  They had it coming; one of the little bastards stung my owner (not the cute one).
I had a front row seat! It was a window sill but you can't violate a phrase like "had a front row seat" and say "window sill" - that just sounds illiterate and I don't need the grammar police hounding me!
In this death photo, one can observe the hit man inserting the neuro-toxin. Given the unharnassed cruelty of this guy, I suspect he was using Zyklon B nerve gas, but I don't know that for sure. Regardless, Friday morning at around 7:30 was a regular ol' bee holocaust! I suppose I shouldn't say the word holocaust with such glee. Oh well, it's not like anyone can do anything about what I say!
In case the reader (that would be you), is feeling any kind of guilt about our extemporaneous extermination camp, I feel the need to inform you of the disgusting habits of bees.

Honey Bee SEX!!

There I said it. Honey bee sex. It's perverted and my house is in a high-class neighborhood and the last thing we need is a bunch of perverted bees greeting the guests.

Bee sex one of the most sickest, dramatic examples of sexual suicide in the animal world. That's right! I said sexual suicide! Man bees sex up the Queen in mid-air ... right in public! These man-bees are called drones. It's group sex too. All these drones try to sex the queen - it's one big gang rape! Seriously. No need to get offended about this, it's just science. The male bee that nails the queen first shoves his little penis with an urgent contraction of the abdominal muscles and a burst of  hemostatic pressure, that rams the sex-unit right into the queen's who-ha. 

Now the story gets weird!! The dude bee ejaculates with such powerful force that it rips the tip of his penis off and is left behind inside the queen's who-know-what. Then the bee spirals into a headlong dive into the ground and dies. This is not how God intended sex to happen. One can only conclude that this kind of behavior is the result of atheistic evolution.
Here I am checking out the holocaustal efficacy at the site of the depraved bee den.
BTW, do you know who a bee's favorite singer is? .....Sting!
Here I am looking pretty good!
Anyway, this sick evolutionary perversion isn't over. As the naive boy bee dies after having the end of his penis ripped off, the Queen bee's nuptial flight is just one sex/lust filled perversion encounter after another with more than a dozen or so more male bee whores. A bee Queen gives new meaning to the term bee slut!!

Oh. And then guess what??  After the Queen is all "filled up" with bee sperm, she's good to go for the rest of her whore life! I'd go barf right now except I'm not feeling a furball or anything.

Here is the getaway vehicle used by the bee mass murderer. It was systematic, methodical, and thorough. You got to admire German efficiency!

So how was your Friday morning???

Monday, May 14, 2012

Liam 1, Bird 0

Today was a great day!! They let me out to patrol the back territory. It was clear why. Every morning one hears the insufferable, high-pitched, annoying, and completely unsolicited chirping of birds. There must be hundreds out there pining away for who knows what. To express this algebrarically the number of birds out there is now in the hundreds minus 1.  
Why you ask ... because I nailed one!! My stealthiness won out over the bird's natural agility. Us cats are at a distinct disadvantage in our efforts to rid the world of birds by the fact that birds can fly. That said, birds don't fly very good when there is a paw full of claws impaling their feather-ridden body (see forensic photograph below).

High-action photo shows the clawful impaling of a bird before he got a chance to fly away.
Here I am viewing this morning's efforts!! Cats don't smile. But if cats did smile, you would see me smiling if you could see the other side of my head.

One good turn deserves another they say (although I'm not sure who they are). I was able to exchange the deceased avian carcass for a load of catnip and my mouse toys.  Reflecting on the day reminds me of the poem The Dead Bird by Christy Call. 

I stopped listening for what wasn’t heard. The silence became the dead bird.

That's what we had around here this morning - the silence of the dead bird! HA!!  That's pretty funny when you think about it. Oh well, poems about birds are dumb (I'm not the only one who thinks so either).

What can I say ... catnip makes me wacky!! 

These little fake birds and mouses are terrific practice to keeping yourself a well-tuned killing machine.