Wednesday, July 9, 2014

stupid dog butt dials the cops!

Headline: Dumb dog does heavy breathing number with police.

Headline: Dim-witted dog causes trouble by scratching owners phone instead of her butt.

When a dog is this stupid, I thought I'd suggest a couple more precise headlines. I don't mean to criticize the Associated Press, but in their effort to be politically correct, they aren't laying blame where it is due. People need to understand how stupid dogs can be. Millions of people are catching onto this. In the olden days, there were more dogs in the USA. But now, there are more cats. There are ~74 million cats in the USA which is about 4 million more than dogs. 



It's not racist to call dogs stupid or dumb. It's not even racist to call dogs retarded, although it's a little insulting to retarded people.  Funny thing ... dogs are eaten for lunch and dinner in at least 11 countries! Click here for more info on dogs as meals.   

This dog looks like a dirty mop!!

When dogs aren't busy butt dialing, they are always sniffing butts (see above photo). 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

It's Vegas, Baby!!

Things have been a snoozefest around here lately.  So when I saw on Facebook that my Vegas buddies were in Anaheim, for some reason, and my brain went WTF?? Why aren't they here visiting me?? It turns out they did attempt to get me but my media guy wasn't on the ball (that's right, I have my own phone number!). But they came the next day to hang with me so all is good.

It was Dave and Tarra's #1st anniversary. They came to my part of the country for a spontaneous anniversary trip. That's good because a year ago my owners went to Vegas for their wedding. They left me with my #1 pet sitter, Jennifer, who is a credentialed veternary technician.  I don't really need that level of care since I'm plenty healthy. I just need love, food and a water refill and I'm good. But enough about me!

I bring joy to people's lives as can be seen in the above photo where I am bringing joy to Tarra's life. She gets joy from squeezing me. I'm not sure of the exact squeezological mechanism, but it happens with others too, so it's a real phenomenon. It's known as the squeeze theorem. For those of you who failed calculus, it's a thing that Archimedes himself invented to confirm the limit of a function via comparison with two other functions (that would be Tarra and me!) whose limits are easily computed. That's just a long-winded way of saying she loves me! 


Black and white photo of Archimedes. It's not color because they couldn't make color photos back then.


Fun fact: Tarra took my picture that you see at the top of my blog.


Here I am looking kind of weird. Maybe I got squeezed a little too hard! :)

Pictured here is Dave. I'll be honest. We're having a bromance. That means Dave and I are in a homosocial relationship. I hope nobody is getting the wrong idea here - "bromance" is merely a portmanteau of two words and does not refer to some other kind of homo-type of relationship.  Not that there would be anything wrong with having that other kind of relationship. I want to be clear about that since I have a large following in the LGBTF community.  People and cats who are less sophisticated than myself might not be completely familiar with the acronym. That "F" stands for fixed.  That happens a lot to cats and it's not natural and is typically done without an informed consent. Unless it's a dog we're talking about. They all deserve to be fixed.  It would result in a better world, although they would still hump your leg.

Well, no way do I end my post talking about leg humping! Even on their anniversary, Dave and Tarra had to stop by to see me! I'm sure they had a good time! We don't see enough of them around here. 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

What happened to my giant water bowl???

I have a 18,000 gallon water bowl in the back yard.  I'll be the first to admit that it's larger than I need, but that's how I roll. But odd things happened today. This is my story. 

Here I am keeping watch on a plastic bag that tried to escape the back yard.  These things need looking after since plastic is unnatural. Plastic bags are killers. Zillions of plastic bags have banned together to form floating islands of death in the oceans. Don't take my word for it - they talk about it in the New York newspaper which is all about science


There's this huge sucking noise in the back by my king-size water bowl.  What the hell is up with all this noise??  



What the hell is up is that there is this hose sticking in the water bowl and it turning it into a waterless bowl!  This is more disturbing than A Serbian Film, which is saying alot! I don't watch movies, it takes away from my nap time, but I hear it's bad.   

Check it out! It's almost empty. They pumped all that water out into the street! I thought it was going to deluge the street for forty days and forty nights - another great flood!  That's what it looks like when you're 11 inches tall. 

This is the little machine that sucked more than a chupacabra. The reason for all the drama?? The water wouldn't hold the chemicals.  What's that even mean, you might ask. Or you probably don't really care. My water bowl needs chorine to keep the water sanitary. Imagine that I chase dog into the bowl and he falls in and drowns very slowly so it feels the essence of life leaving its body, its lungs collapsing from all the .  Then you have a release of organic material, ie, dog scum. If the pH is low, then dog scum organics will create turn into phosphates which are food for algae spores. Chlorine kills algae but you got to have more chlorine if you have scum, but chlorine gets wacky and you have to put in cyanuric acid which never leaves the water which means you have to adjust pH with more chlorine and the water gets sick. I'm not a scientist so I don't really know what all that means, but that's the buzz around here. Another way to think about this is if a dog drowns in the big bowl, it's not a problem as long as one's caretaker/feeder drags the carcass and throws it into the street.  

Good thing for me is that there are two water bowls in my house.  So after a drink, it time to catch up on my 18 hours of snooze time I need. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Cat Head Shots!

No big news here. I was just minding my own business surveying the front yard one Sunday morning and all of a sudden I got a camera in my face! There's no way to know how many lizards and birds walked by the window and were spared the punishing treatment for their existence that is my responsibility to administer.

This is a photo of me! I'm told I have very pretty eyes. I guess there's no point in me denying it now!

This is another photo of me! I am looking especially cute in this one. There are 3 of them. The 3rd one is coming up next!
There's a lot of responsibility that I have for keeping the bird population down to a minimum. This kind of distraction will not have a good effect on the weekly bird quota that I have. All of us neighborhood cats have these quotas. Actually, I'm not supposed to talk about the bird quota business. There's this national group of extremists and terrorists, known as PeTA, that have been known to throw pig blood on cats that go outdoors. This is a true fact. Oh, wait ... my media consultant is telling me that PeTA wackos throwing pig blood on outdoor cats is technically truthy rather than true. Same difference if you ask me! I can't even finish a simple blog entry without the word police showing up around here! Take my word for it though, PeTA is hatin' on cats that enjoy the outdoors. What's next? Probably a visit by Sarah McLachlan! It's hard to believe this is American anymore.

I think I look like a Puma kind of cat. To be honest, I look good in all these photos.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Watch me be close to God!! (Not that I saw him)

Look at me! I've never been to church before, but my owner dropped by a church on Sunday. It's not clear why we took this little excursion. Naturally he took a picture of me on location. Churches are God's house (or houses). He has lots of houses. Many are probably resort houses is the only reason that I can think of why he has so many houses. God must have been at one of those houses because I didn't see him at this house. That's ok as I didn't have an appointment or anything. I don't have any idea who the two ladies were, but they made it clear to me that they didn't want to "bother" with me. They were new to going to a church as can be seen by them kneeling in the aisle rather than sitting on one of the many benches. 


Me in God's House. I'm told he has lots of houses like this. He must be pretty rich!

 
Cats were Gods in Egypt. Contrarily, dogs were often served for dinner in Egypt. Dogs were known to be pretty tasty, but too chewy. Or maybe the hieroglyphics were talking about dog jerky.

This is a picture of two cat gods in Egypt. There have been many hieroglyphics written about my ancestors.  Cats were gods in Egypt. This makes sense as Egypt was the beginning of all civilization. Many hieroglyphics have been written about my cat ancestors which the be beginning of cats being so famous.

Historical photo of a guy with his cat in olden times. The cat's owner sounds a little loopy though. Notice that he is talking about being dead, but clearly he is alive. Nowadays, we have medications for people with problems like this. I don't know ... there's probably more to the story.
Since cats are gods, cats do not need religion.

I should have my own church as it would be an organized way for my fans to visit me and bring Frisky treats, frankinfurters and purr. I should seriously consider this since I am already a minister in the Universal Life Church. That's right, you can check it out right here! I specialize in funeral services for rodents and dogs. I always make it a fun time.

Just one example of why we cats think so highly of ourselves.

Monday, January 20, 2014

I don't give a damn according to scientists!!

"Whatever," says cat.

Ok, I know a lot of my readers have been wanting to know what I think of this study by some Japanese scientists that showed that Felis catus's can hear their owners voices but don't really care one way or another. 

After I get done with my post, I'll make sure to email the Nobel Prize Committee to nominate these scientists for an award commensurate with their groundbreaking research that showed us what any cat already knows!!  Hey, wait a sec … by transitive logic this means that I should get a Nobel Prize!! 

Most people will just read some news blog about this study, but I prefer to go to the scientific literature and make sure the science is being conducted up to Huskercat standards. It was easy to do since the paper was published in Animal Cognition which I subscribe to anyway. I had my web guy put a little picture of the actual journal page.

This is what the journal article looks like!

This is an important journal - Animal Cognition - in that the very title implies the fact that us animal have lots of cognition.  Since it's about animals who have cognitions, you will find very little scientific articles about dogs since they don't really cognitate. After reading the research article, I'm ready to go on the record that this research was conducted in a way that is both valid and reliable. Since most of my readers don't have all the researcher connections that I have, I've included the actual results from the study which conclusively prove that cats are many times smarter than dogs. The reason for this is that dogs are stupid. That's pretty much all you need to know. Feel free to go poke fun at dog owners now. :D

Fancy science results and statistics.

More fancy science results and statistics with histogramical bars.


Sunday, January 19, 2014

Glamourized: Huskercat Style!!

I was complaining to my web guy/owner/litterchanger that my site seemed a little humdrum in the photo department. I'm not talking about all the pictures of me; they're all really exciting. I wanted something to make a statement about moving into 2014. The Cornhuskers did it right with a Gator Bowl win over Georgia. We finished off the Football Season with a 24-19 annihilation of Georgia. I was a little surprised by that. I didn't even know Georgia had a university! It wasn't an annihilation really. Let's just say that it was good that Georgia didn't have another 10 minutes to play! It would have been especially embarrassing for the Huskercat's team to have lost to Georgia. Not just because it's a team from the ol' South, but because they actually have a Bulldog for a mascot. If you ask me, it's disgusting and unnatural to have a Bulldog for a mascot. You have to be suspicious of the brain of the person in Georgia who thought it was a good idea to mate a bull with a dog!! I guess that's what passes for Animal Husbandry at the University of Georgia!!

That's ridiculous to have a dog for a mascot anyway. If for no other reason than you have to have one of the Georgia cheerleaders follow him around to put his poops in a little bag! HA!

So, back to me. So I wanted my blog to get a little more snazzy - glammed up in other words. So my owner brings in some real talent. (In the movie biz, the actor people are called "the Talent" so we follow that convention here at Huskercat.com) You always know when the talent is on the set because they walk around in fluffy white robes (see below). Speaking of which I am majorly fluffy right now since it's the winter season. 

Kira in white; me in gray

Kira comes to visit two or three times a year. She comes to visit from Portland, Oregon, but she must have some Hollywood roots because only movie stars are this glamourous. That's as people go; most cats are pretty glamorous. They took like 10 pictures of me (with Kira), and this is one of the best of me.  Kira was looking pretty glamorous too, although I don't think she could wear her outfit just anywhere, if you know what I mean. But it was the perfect thing to pump a little blood into my blog photos, and she certainly qualifies as one of my Sexy New Friends, except that she's not new to me.   

Me with a Movie Star!!!

My only requirement, of course, was to have a RED theme, and they sure got that right!  

This is the Huskercat way to say GO BIG RED!!!