Friday, November 28, 2014

Post-Thanksgiving Visitors: Steph & Jessica - my two sexy new friends!!

OMG!! My owner (not the pretty one) told me a couple friends were coming over because it was Black Friday.

I had to ask myself "Why? Why? Would he invite over people who were celebrating some kind of racist holiday??" Aren't we above that? And why does he have friends that would celebrate Black Friday???

Oh, boy! Do I have egg on my face or what? My research on the Internets revealed that the Black in Black Friday just refers to when stores really start to make money. Apparently humans go berserko on this day and spend all their money on Christmas presents.

So ... this is great!!  The visitors will be bringing me Christmas presents!!! And now, introducing my newest SNFs (sexy new friends, in case you're new to my blog), Jessica and Stephanie! 
Jessica and me (I'm the one in front)
As can be seen in the above photo, I'm looking around for my Christmas present. Also, as can be seen in the above photo, Jess has red hair. I have other SNFs with red hair. BUT notice below that Steph has purple hair. This is a Huskercat first! Never before have I had Red and Purple SNFs at the same time! It was a real colorfest!
Stephanie and me!
(I'm not the one with purple fur!)
It was pretty cool to have Steph and Jess stop by to visit me. They brought some stuff over for my owners. But I'm still waiting for my Christmas present. Maybe they're not into Christmas. Not everyone believes in Jesus.














Sunday, September 28, 2014

Catting around! Me & Briana go clubbing!

Briana came over this weekend and spent some time hangin' with my owners. I hadn't seen her over at my place before, but let's face it ... pink hair gets your attention!! There was alot happening during the day, but later Bri took me out clubbing.  FYI, Briana goes by Bri to her friends.  I've never been out clubbing.  At first I was apalled that Bri was into clubbing. She just didn't seem the type.  She's very nice and plenty adorable and didn't seem like the violent type.  I mean ... what did baby seals ever do to her, right?? Wow, was I embarrassed when Bri explained to me what clubbing is!  I didn't know what nightclubs were.  Anyways, Bri was plenty ready to go out.  I think we can all agree that when you're dressed in a silver sequined mini-dress, you are ready to go dancing! My owner wasn't invited to go probably because he's an old fart. HA!!

Me (left; being snuggled), Briana (right; pink hair)

As can be seen in these photos, I decided to stay with my usual gray fur.  I had to be careful. Those PeTA freaks are all over in Hollywood, where we were headed, and they love to throw blood on real fur. They are disgusting people. I'll stay with my real fur coat and PeTA can suck it!

I've never been out dancing before. The reason is probably because I'm a cat. That's not to say I don't get out from time to time. Like that one time my owner took me to the Pink Leopard which is a pretty fancy restaurant. I wrote about that incident because the bouncer was racist against cats and you can read about it here if you haven't been following my blog. Plus, I'm not the first cat to go out dancing (see photo below).

Surveillance photo documenting that I'm not the first cat to go clubbing. This photo also illustrates that my friends are way cooler than these wacked out hillbillies!!  :)

My owner told me that people might not believe that Bri and I went out so I got some pictures to prove it!  Here's my cold, hard evidence. I don't have time for haters who are suspicious about my lifestyle. Well, that's my report! Paparazzi photos are below!

You can see ME right next to my logo! Hangin' with Bri as she dances like there's no tomorrow!! Bri's in the pink hair as one might expect.
Here's a closeup of ME! It was pretty exciting as can be seen in this paparazzi photo.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

stupid dog butt dials the cops!

Headline: Dumb dog does heavy breathing number with police.

Headline: Dim-witted dog causes trouble by scratching owners phone instead of her butt.

When a dog is this stupid, I thought I'd suggest a couple more precise headlines. I don't mean to criticize the Associated Press, but in their effort to be politically correct, they aren't laying blame where it is due. People need to understand how stupid dogs can be. Millions of people are catching onto this. In the olden days, there were more dogs in the USA. But now, there are more cats. There are ~74 million cats in the USA which is about 4 million more than dogs. 



It's not racist to call dogs stupid or dumb. It's not even racist to call dogs retarded, although it's a little insulting to retarded people.  Funny thing ... dogs are eaten for lunch and dinner in at least 11 countries! Click here for more info on dogs as meals.   

This dog looks like a dirty mop!!

When dogs aren't busy butt dialing, they are always sniffing butts (see above photo). 

Saturday, July 5, 2014

It's Vegas, Baby!!

Things have been a snoozefest around here lately.  So when I saw on Facebook that my Vegas buddies were in Anaheim, for some reason, and my brain went WTF?? Why aren't they here visiting me?? It turns out they did attempt to get me but my media guy wasn't on the ball (that's right, I have my own phone number!). But they came the next day to hang with me so all is good.

It was Dave and Tarra's #1st anniversary. They came to my part of the country for a spontaneous anniversary trip. That's good because a year ago my owners went to Vegas for their wedding. They left me with my #1 pet sitter, Jennifer, who is a credentialed veternary technician.  I don't really need that level of care since I'm plenty healthy. I just need love, food and a water refill and I'm good. But enough about me!

I bring joy to people's lives as can be seen in the above photo where I am bringing joy to Tarra's life. She gets joy from squeezing me. I'm not sure of the exact squeezological mechanism, but it happens with others too, so it's a real phenomenon. It's known as the squeeze theorem. For those of you who failed calculus, it's a thing that Archimedes himself invented to confirm the limit of a function via comparison with two other functions (that would be Tarra and me!) whose limits are easily computed. That's just a long-winded way of saying she loves me! 


Black and white photo of Archimedes. It's not color because they couldn't make color photos back then.


Fun fact: Tarra took my picture that you see at the top of my blog.


Here I am looking kind of weird. Maybe I got squeezed a little too hard! :)

Pictured here is Dave. I'll be honest. We're having a bromance. That means Dave and I are in a homosocial relationship. I hope nobody is getting the wrong idea here - "bromance" is merely a portmanteau of two words and does not refer to some other kind of homo-type of relationship.  Not that there would be anything wrong with having that other kind of relationship. I want to be clear about that since I have a large following in the LGBTF community.  People and cats who are less sophisticated than myself might not be completely familiar with the acronym. That "F" stands for fixed.  That happens a lot to cats and it's not natural and is typically done without an informed consent. Unless it's a dog we're talking about. They all deserve to be fixed.  It would result in a better world, although they would still hump your leg.

Well, no way do I end my post talking about leg humping! Even on their anniversary, Dave and Tarra had to stop by to see me! I'm sure they had a good time! We don't see enough of them around here. 

Saturday, June 21, 2014

What happened to my giant water bowl???

I have a 18,000 gallon water bowl in the back yard.  I'll be the first to admit that it's larger than I need, but that's how I roll. But odd things happened today. This is my story. 

Here I am keeping watch on a plastic bag that tried to escape the back yard.  These things need looking after since plastic is unnatural. Plastic bags are killers. Zillions of plastic bags have banned together to form floating islands of death in the oceans. Don't take my word for it - they talk about it in the New York newspaper which is all about science


There's this huge sucking noise in the back by my king-size water bowl.  What the hell is up with all this noise??  



What the hell is up is that there is this hose sticking in the water bowl and it turning it into a waterless bowl!  This is more disturbing than A Serbian Film, which is saying alot! I don't watch movies, it takes away from my nap time, but I hear it's bad.   

Check it out! It's almost empty. They pumped all that water out into the street! I thought it was going to deluge the street for forty days and forty nights - another great flood!  That's what it looks like when you're 11 inches tall. 

This is the little machine that sucked more than a chupacabra. The reason for all the drama?? The water wouldn't hold the chemicals.  What's that even mean, you might ask. Or you probably don't really care. My water bowl needs chorine to keep the water sanitary. Imagine that I chase dog into the bowl and he falls in and drowns very slowly so it feels the essence of life leaving its body, its lungs collapsing from all the .  Then you have a release of organic material, ie, dog scum. If the pH is low, then dog scum organics will create turn into phosphates which are food for algae spores. Chlorine kills algae but you got to have more chlorine if you have scum, but chlorine gets wacky and you have to put in cyanuric acid which never leaves the water which means you have to adjust pH with more chlorine and the water gets sick. I'm not a scientist so I don't really know what all that means, but that's the buzz around here. Another way to think about this is if a dog drowns in the big bowl, it's not a problem as long as one's caretaker/feeder drags the carcass and throws it into the street.  

Good thing for me is that there are two water bowls in my house.  So after a drink, it time to catch up on my 18 hours of snooze time I need. 

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Cat Head Shots!

No big news here. I was just minding my own business surveying the front yard one Sunday morning and all of a sudden I got a camera in my face! There's no way to know how many lizards and birds walked by the window and were spared the punishing treatment for their existence that is my responsibility to administer.

This is a photo of me! I'm told I have very pretty eyes. I guess there's no point in me denying it now!

This is another photo of me! I am looking especially cute in this one. There are 3 of them. The 3rd one is coming up next!
There's a lot of responsibility that I have for keeping the bird population down to a minimum. This kind of distraction will not have a good effect on the weekly bird quota that I have. All of us neighborhood cats have these quotas. Actually, I'm not supposed to talk about the bird quota business. There's this national group of extremists and terrorists, known as PeTA, that have been known to throw pig blood on cats that go outdoors. This is a true fact. Oh, wait ... my media consultant is telling me that PeTA wackos throwing pig blood on outdoor cats is technically truthy rather than true. Same difference if you ask me! I can't even finish a simple blog entry without the word police showing up around here! Take my word for it though, PeTA is hatin' on cats that enjoy the outdoors. What's next? Probably a visit by Sarah McLachlan! It's hard to believe this is American anymore.

I think I look like a Puma kind of cat. To be honest, I look good in all these photos.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Watch me be close to God!! (Not that I saw him)

Look at me! I've never been to church before, but my owner dropped by a church on Sunday. It's not clear why we took this little excursion. Naturally he took a picture of me on location. Churches are God's house (or houses). He has lots of houses. Many are probably resort houses is the only reason that I can think of why he has so many houses. God must have been at one of those houses because I didn't see him at this house. That's ok as I didn't have an appointment or anything. I don't have any idea who the two ladies were, but they made it clear to me that they didn't want to "bother" with me. They were new to going to a church as can be seen by them kneeling in the aisle rather than sitting on one of the many benches. 


Me in God's House. I'm told he has lots of houses like this. He must be pretty rich!

 
Cats were Gods in Egypt. Contrarily, dogs were often served for dinner in Egypt. Dogs were known to be pretty tasty, but too chewy. Or maybe the hieroglyphics were talking about dog jerky.

This is a picture of two cat gods in Egypt. There have been many hieroglyphics written about my ancestors.  Cats were gods in Egypt. This makes sense as Egypt was the beginning of all civilization. Many hieroglyphics have been written about my cat ancestors which the be beginning of cats being so famous.

Historical photo of a guy with his cat in olden times. The cat's owner sounds a little loopy though. Notice that he is talking about being dead, but clearly he is alive. Nowadays, we have medications for people with problems like this. I don't know ... there's probably more to the story.
Since cats are gods, cats do not need religion.

I should have my own church as it would be an organized way for my fans to visit me and bring Frisky treats, frankinfurters and purr. I should seriously consider this since I am already a minister in the Universal Life Church. That's right, you can check it out right here! I specialize in funeral services for rodents and dogs. I always make it a fun time.

Just one example of why we cats think so highly of ourselves.